The HOTv opening fades out and we cut live inside a sold out Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse here in Cleveland Ohio.
The crowd is standing as one as suddenly the opening piano played by Billy Powell followed by the iconic guitar licks from Gary Rossington’s slide guitar at the beginning of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s epic ‘Freebird’ blare out of the speakers.
Joe Hoffman: WELCOME EVERYONE TO CHAOS!!!!! WE ARE NOT WASTING ANY TIME AS IT IS TIME FOR THE LETHAL LOTTERY TO BEGIN WITH THE HIGH OCTANE TELEVISION CHAMPION ON HIS WAY OUT!!!!!!
Benny Newell: JUST LOOK AT HIM! HE LOOKS LIKE DARTH SIDEOUS! HE SHOOTS LIGHTNING FROM HIS HANDS! EVIL! EVIL! WHY ARE WE BOTH SCREAMING SO MUCH…..THE SHOW JUST FUCKING STARTED!!!!???
Seconds later, the lovely Sunny O’Callahan emerges from behind the curtain.
“If I leave here tomorrow… will you still remember me?”
Bryan McVay: Hailing from Plattin, Missouri and weighing in tonight at two hundred and fifteen pounds…
“For I must be traveling on now… ‘Cause there’s too many places I want to see…”
Joe Bergman comes out dressed as normal in a plain black robe over his wrestling trunks.
“But if I stayed here with you girl… Things just couldn’t be the same…”
“Cause I’m a free as a bird now… and this bird you cannot change…”
Bryan McVay: YOUR HOTv CHAAAAAAMPION “ORDINARY!” JOE! BERGGGGGG-MAN!
The crowd roars. Joe pumps his first in the air.
“And this bird you cannot change…”
With McGill leading the way, she and Bergman start down the ramp towards the ring.
“And this bird you cannot change…”
Bergman slaps people’s hands along the way to the ring.
“And this bird you cannot change…”
Joe climbs up on the ring apron and opens a path for Dawn to climb into the ring. Then he leaps over the top rope and climbs up on the turnbuckle.
“Lord knows, I can’t change”
Looking out over the ropes with McGill right by his side, Joe raises his arms in the air and a can of PBR in tribute to the ‘ordinary people’ in attendance tonight and, of course, Section 214.
Benny Newell: Evil Empire comes out to Freebird so they waste the most amount of time getting to the ring. Just spending good HOW dollars on their MVW bullshit.
Joe Hoffman: I mean, this has been Bergman’s entrance forever, and it has to go through approval…
Benny Newell: Shut the fuck up, Joe.
The lights in the arena go black as a synthesized hymn begins to play as the High Octane Vision comes to life as an angelic voice begins to sing.
“Born from pain, inside my veins.
Bred for war, begging for more.
None shall mourn, I am reborn.
Live in sin. The House always wins.”
Benny Newell: You would have thought this idiot would have changed his entrance by now.
Joe Hoffman: Yeah I mean, it’s kind of surprising he hasn’t.
The hymn continues as the screen begins to show the Best Arena transformed into a style of a church and the screen slowly flashes the words…..
Benny Newell: I mean it’s not wrong, and as a deacon in the church of Lee I appreciate it. But really, this all feels wrong.
Joe Hoffman: Yeah, pretty much. I think America is going to come out and hit him with a brick and take this title if he manages to win this.
Lee Best’s infamous blood shot eyes hover above the top. The lights in the arena begin to come on in a shade of 97 Red as smoke and fog begin to fill the stage area as well. The sound of glass breaking is heard as the screen shows a crack over the mural of the Best Arena and Lee Best’s eyes as “O Fortuna Excalibur Remix” by Apotheosis begins. Lights above the ring shine down to create a 97 Red HOB. The stage flashes with alternating red and white lights as Scott Stevens makes his way out onto the stage.
Bryan McVay: And drawn as Joe Bergman’s opponent for the Lethal Lottery…the person that drew the number one spot; introducing! From The Great State of Texas and representing the HOUSE OF BEST!….he is the “Demi-God of HOW!” SCOTT! STEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEENS!
Benny Newell: Michael Lee Best, this guy is just now getting to the ring. Nice to see you Stevens.
Joe Hoffman: It is a long entrance, you aren’t wrong Benny.
Stevens’ 97 Red circular sunglasses glisten in the light and his devilish grin plasters his face. Scott drinks in his own hype as he lifts his right arm and points to the heavens before he begins to slowly walk toward the ring. As he does so he carries the Book of Best front and center of his chest while he sticks as close to the center of the ramp as possible to avoid being touched by the heathens that line the barricade. As Scott climbs up onto the mat, the massive Cross of Best hangs around his neck like jewelry. Scott wipes his feet off on the edge of the ring, his smile never leaving his face. Moving towards the center of the ring, Scott bathed in the red lettering, drops to a knee before looking up with his eyes closed towards the heavens mouthing something as he is bathed in the sinister glow of 97 Red. Once his prayer is done he slowly lowers the hood of his jacket and lifts his arm high into the air as the music dies and the house lights return signaling Scott to take off the Cross of Best and kiss it before making his way to his corner to prepare for his match.
Benny Newell: I’m sorry for what I said about the Evil Empire Joe Bergman’s entrance. Whatever the hell Stevens just did to get to the ring is way longer, and has worse music.
Joe Hoffman: Well let’s head down ringside, looks like Boettcher is about to call for the bell.
Stevens sprints across the ring flailing wildly. He smashes Bergman with a right hand, then another, then another, Bergman is reeling and goes into a shell defense. Stevens, recognizing Bergman’s tactic, grabs him by the arm and whips him into the ropes. Bergman comes back and Stevens ducks for a back body drop. Bergman leapfrogs Stevens and heads to the far ropes, he comes back taking a swing with a lariat but Stevens ducks under and runs his own forty-six year old body into the ropes. Bergman winds up for a clothesline but Stevens takes the easy way out, and settles for a collision. Bergman stumbles backwards and Stevens continues the pressure.
Joe Hoffman: Scott Stevens starting off tonight fast.
Benny Newell: Yeah, I mean he took so long to get to the ring he found his second, third, fourth, and fifth winds on the way there.
Stevens once again comes in flailing, overhand right hands crash like waves against Bergman’s forearms. The HOTv champion tries to duck out of the way, but the big 6’6” Texan cuts him off and keeps bringing down his right hands. Bergman begins to wilt under the power of the big man and drops to a knee. Stevens winds up for a discus punch, and Bergman see’s his opening he leaps up and dropkicks Stevens in the chest creating some much needed separation.
Joe Hoffman: Some much needed separation there.
Benny Newell: Wah wah, the Evil Empire needs room to breathe. THEY ARE THE GREAT SATAN JOE!
Stevens is rocked backwards and it’s Joe’s turn to take the offensive. He comes in with a flurry of his own, a kick to Stevens thigh, and a straight right keep Stevens moving backwards. Bergman throws an overhand right like Stevens has been throwing all night, but Stevens manages to catch the right hand in mid-air. Stevens grins at Bergman, who smiles back at Stevens, and dropkicks him right in the knee.
Benny Newell: IT’S A TRAP!
Joe Hoffman: How did you turn into a Star Wars Meme factory?
Benny Newell: What the fuck is a meme?
Stevens falls backwards grabbing at his leg, and Bergman see’s another opening. He fires a knee to Steven’s face, stunning him, then delivers a huge sidekick to the side of Stevens’ knee that almost takes him clean off his feet. Stevens’ howls and grabs Bergman by the hair and reverses the situation, launching Bergman into the corner. Stevens’ winds up and delivers a huge chop across Bergman’s chest, but Bergman responds by kicking Stevens in the side of the knee.
Joe Hoffman: Smart wrestling here by Bergman.
Benny Newell: He knows Stevens’ is like a hundred years old. He’s trying to hospitalize a senior citizen.
Stevens hobbles away holding his knee and Bergman dives in with a vicious chop block to the back of the knee.
Benny Newell: THROW THE FLAG REF! THROW THE DAMN FLAG! TEN YARDS FOR CLIPPING! ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND!?
Joe Hoffman: You been in the hooch again?
Benny Newell: No, just trying to see if I could get Boettcher to throw a flag during a wrestling match.
Stevens hits the deck and Bergman is all over him. He jumps back up to his feet and grabs the injured right leg of Stevens and starts laying into it with stomps and kicks to the inside of his leg. Bergman turns Stevens’ knee and twists himself around, falling and yanking Stevens’ leg as hard as he can.
Benny Newell: HE’S GOING TO PUT THIS MAN IN A WHEEL CHAIR!
Joe Hoffman: Well, I mean that’s the business Benny. This is a wrestling match, and Bergman is operating within the rules. Plus I don’t think he likes Stevens very much.
Stevens holds onto his knee as Bergman gets up and rifles in another vicious kick to Stevens’ leg. He bends down and picks it up, and wraps Stevens up tight with a figure four leg lock. Stevens is roaring in pain as Bergman cinches the hold in. The crowd in Cleveland go wild as Stevens shoots up a like a he was struck by lighting as Bergman sits down. Boettcher is asking Stevens if he gives up, and Stevens is frantically shaking his head no.
Joe Hoffman: I think Bergman wants to take that leg of Scott Stevens home.
Benny Newell: Probably feeding it to his rancor or something.
Stevens sits back and smacks the mat over and over again as Bergman presses himself up to put the maximum amount of pressure on the knee. Stevens sits up and stares at Bergman, screaming and reaches for him trying to grab him. Bergman has to lean back which finally gives Stevens an opening and he lunges for the ropes. Boettcher jumps in and breaks up the hold, helping the two men untangle themselves.
Joe Hoffman: That doesn’t look great for Stevens.
Benny Newell: No of course it doesn’t look good Hoffman, Bergman just used his leg as a chew toy. Because he’s the Evil Empire, and they are trying to keep the Alliance down.
Stevens makes his way to his feet, clearly favoring his right knee. Bergman looks over at him with a grin. Stevens limps to the center of the ring and waves Bergman forward. Joe raises an eyebrow and keeps his distance. He paces around Stevens, making him pivot on his right knee. Bergman finally shoots in going for a single leg on Stevens’ strong leg, but Stevens plants that knee right into Bergman’s mouth.
Benny Newell: LIKE HITTING A SLOT MACHINE AT THE HARD ROCK OVER HERE BABY! JACKPOT!
Joe Hoffman: You’ve been gambling in Cleveland?
Benny Newell: Nothing else to fucking do here, unless I want to set the river on fire. But I don’t drink anymore Joe. So yes, it’s gambling.
Bergman crumples and Stevens is quick to capitalize. He bends down, and visually strains as he gut wrenches Berman up while standing with all his weight on his left leg. He barely manages to flip Bergman over, but still drives him to the mat with a powerbomb.
Joe Hoffman: Because of that leg work, Bergman didn’t get all of that.
Benny Newell: But Stevens is smart enough to know that.
Stevens limps up and grabs Bergman by the head, dragging him up to his feet. He whips him into the ropes, and Bergman comes back. Stevens scoops him up and uses Bergman’s own momentum to hit him with a thunderous spine buster.
Benny Newell: SCOTT STEVENS IS GOING TO DO IT JOE! HE MIGHT BE THE LUKE SKYWALKER THAT COULD TAKE DOWN MVW!
Joe Hoffman: And you’re the Jar-Jar Binks.
Benny Newell: HEY!
Joe Hoffman: Big spinebuster there by Stevens, and Stevens is already back up and to his feet.
Stevens drags the dead leg up, and knows how he has to finish this one. He knows he can’t get enough on the Toxic Sting from a purely standing position so he whips Bergman into the ropes. Bergman comes back and Stevens tries to catch him with his cutter. Bergman is quick and kicks Stevens in the back of the knee though, causing Stevens to crumple over. Bergman grabs Stevens by his salt and pepper hair, and pulls his head back.
Joe Hoffman: DRAGON SLEEPER! DRAGON SLEEPER!
Benny Newell: THAT OTHER GUY NAMED SCOTT GOT OUT LAST WEEK! MAYBE THAT’S A THING!
Stevens tries to get to his feet, but just as he’s about to stand up Bergman cuts him off with another kick to the right knee, then wraps his legs around Stevens torso and leans back. Stevens makes the smart business decision and taps out quickly.
Benny Newell: GOD DAMN MVW! HEY BERGMAN! YOU SUCK PAL! YOU CAN WATCH A REAL CHAMPION LATER!
Joe Hoffman: Great showing here in the Lethal Lottery from Joe Bergman.
DING DING DING
Bryan McVay: And your winner in 13 minutes and 42 seconds… and STILL your HOTv CHAMPION! JOOOOOOOOOOOOE! BEEEEEEEEEEERGMAN!
Benny Newell: Lee, I hate that guy.
Joe Hoffman: We couldn’t tell.
Chaos heads elsewhere as Bergman and Sunny celebrate in the ring.
ANY MEANS POSSIBLE
Joe Hoffman: Before we head anywhere else……I’m told we’re going to a live Twitch stream…
Benny Newell: A what the fuck now?
Joe Hoffman: Twitch. Stream.
Benny Newell: Fuck off.
The scene switches to exactly what Joe Hoffman said, a live Twitch stream from none other than the NEW #1 contender to the High Octane World Championship… Conor Fuse!
The Ultimate Gamer seems to be sitting in a very dim lit room, only half of his face can be seen well, the other half is a rough sketch.
Fuse smiles and waves his free hand into the camera.
Conor Fuse: Hello everyone! It’s me, the number one contender to the HOW World Championship. Will I face Christopher America at March to Glory or will it be Mystery Man?
Fuse winks into the camera.
Conor Fuse: While I LOVE a good mystery, I’m here to tell Christopher America you better not lose. Because I want YOU!
Fuse points into the camera like he’s doing the US Army Uncle Sam advertisement. Then he giggles menacingly like this has never been done before.
Conor Fuse: I trust #97. And I have an honest apology to the World Champion. I really, really do. See, I got into an online spat a few months ago with America when I complained about how he won the title from me.
Fuse shakes his head in disappointment.
Conor Fuse: Naa bro, fucking naa. I’m good with it. Hell, I won my second World Championship in a similar fashion!
Fuse starts nodding ‘yes’ now. He likes what he’s saying a lot better than the alternative explanation.
Conor Fuse: You game and win by whatever means possible. And that brings me to my point.
Suddenly, Conor goes from 0 to 100.
Conor Fuse: ANY MEANS POSSIBLE. CONOR FUSE IS GONNA PLAY THIS WAY TOO, YA HEAR?
He tries to calm down. He does, a little.
Conor Fuse: Imma be ready for you, America. Imma be cheering HARD for you tonight! I actually don’t just WANT YOU…
Again, the Uncle Sam pose, which eventually morphs into something entirely more sinister.
Conor Fuse: I fucking need you, bro.
Fuse’s dead eyes stare into the Twitch stream.
Conor Fuse: See you soon? I most certainly hope so.
The feed cuts and Chaos heads to its first commercial break of the evening…
Back live and we open up somewhere backstage where we see Jatt Starr, minding his own business.
Female’s Voice: Hey Jatt!
Rembrandt of Wrestling turns. His eyes widen when he sees it’s…
Sunny O’Callahan: That’s right it’s me. By the way, remember when I said they’d be no way in hell you’d ever see my chest?
Jatt doesn’t respond.
Sunny O’Callahan: Well…
Sunny begins to pull her top up. Then…
Joe Bergman clobbers Jatt from behind with a steel folding chair.
Sunny O’Callahan: …there’s no fucking chance in hell that’s ever going to happen.
Jatt staggers forward.
The second chair shot sends him to the floor. Joe goes over and pulls him up. He heaves Jatt head first into the wall. The Duke of Jattmandu staggers backwards and Bergman slaps on the Dragon Sleeper.
Starr struggles… fades… and quickly is out.
Joe lets him fall to the floor. Then Sunny pulls out a sharpie and writes on Jatt’s forehead… “who’s the bitch now, bitch?”
Once she’s done, O’Callahan and Joe exit stage right leaving Jatt unconscious on the floor as we head elsewhere…
A video begins to play as we see the downtown Cleveland back drop. As the view pans, we see the West Side Market and the businesses of Ohio city (a district inside Cleveland.) We finally get to “Great Lakes Brewery.” We see two familiar Ladies entering the establishment. They are none other than the Mom Squad looking pissed off, to say the least. They walk over to the Bar where they spot their friend, The Queen of Epicness Bobbinette Carey standing as she orders some drinks. Bobbinette is wearing a black dress that actually shows off cleavage for a change and is less conservative than we are used to seeing the QOE dress. Her hair is curled slightly as she’s got a splash of makeup on and actually looks dressed to kill with red bottom black heels.
Leah: What the hell are you doing?
Leah, the purple haired short friend of the group, shes got on a black body suit with puff sleeves her hair and makeup looking done, as if she’s going to prom. Bobbinette looks over her shoulder in confusion till realizing who it was speaking to her.
Michelle: Chaos, tonight… hometown. You should be at the arena.
Michelle (the tall friend with the slender build wearing a purple t shirt dress with a black jacket and matching black boots. Her face nicely done with makeup.) looks on in disbelief.
Bobbinette: I’m enjoying my hometown.
She insists, as she turns around her friends look confused at the type of dress she’s wearing.
Leah: Bobbie, um… the girls look like they are about to fall out of that thing.
She motions to Bobbinette’s chest.
Leah: This is the hometown show. You’ve been excited for this all week and you’re not at the arena. We have the friend finder app and found you here instead of backstage at the Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse.
Michelle: You told us to meet you there but you were nowhere to be found. The show has already started and you won’t believe what we saw happen earlier.
Leah and Michelle both genuinely look concerned, but Bobbinette’s face shows no change.
Bobbinette: I’m a little busy right now.
Bobbinette says through her teeth, but then towards her attention away from her friends to a back corner of the establishment. She looks nervous and bites down on her bottom lip a bit until Michelle speaks up.
Michelle: Busy with what?
Leah: You’re being deflective and we promised no secrets.
The bartender walks up to Bobbinette with two sets of flights for sampling. The two Mom Squad members look at each other with their mouths open.
Michelle: Is she on a date right now?!
Leah: We went details now! Who is he and where is he at?!
Leah begins to look around the Brewery as Bobbinette looks down at her reflect in one of the drinks in front of her.
Bobbinette’s Reflection: Fucking eh, Carey. These bitches are annoying. Tell them to go home so that I can get drunk in peace.
Bobbinette: Shut up, you’re not supposed to be here right now!
Bobbinette barks down at the drinks in front of her but then raises her line of vision. She sees both Michelle and Leah standing there with shocked looks on their faces.
Michelle: That was totally uncalled for, Bobbie!
Leah: You’re being really strange and you won’t tell us why. We’re taking you to the arena and sobering you up. You can apologize to us later.
Leah grabs a hold of Bobbinette by the arm but Carey pulls herself from her Mom Squad friend’s grasp.
Bobbinette: I’ll get there when I get there. I suggest you guys just go back to the arena and enjoy the show.
Bobbinette: I’m sorry do I spy on you guys all the time? No, the fuck I don’t. So go back to the arena or go home.
The two friends look shocked and hurt at her tone as they look at each other while leaving the Brewery. Bobbinette sighs then adjusts her dress and grabs the two flights in front of her. She makes sure the Mom Squad is gone before sliding back into a booth. Bobbinette smiles brightly as she starts talking to someone in the corner of the booth. The identity of the person is blocked from camera view but Carey seems more than content to be here instead of at the arena as the HOV fades to black as we cut elsewhere.
We are once again backstage where the camera follows Dan Ryan as he walks.
It just happens that Joe Bergman comes around the corner.
A chance meeting?
Two ships passing in the night?
Joe smiles… and holds up a bottle of Bulleit Bourbon.
Joe Bergman: No hard feelings, right?
…and Sunny O’Callahan tasers Dan from behind.
Ryan falls to the floor as the volts of electricity surge through his body.
Joe just puts the bottle down next to him.
Joe Bergman: No. No hard feelings at all.
Sunny walks over to Bergman and looks down at the man suffering from the effects of being tasered.
Sunny O’Callahan: Hmmm… not quite flopping like a fish…
Sunny glances back at Joe.
Sunny O’Callahan: …but it’ll do.
And with that, Bergman and O’Callahan take their leave as we cut back to ringside for our next match.
Joe Hoffman: Wow. Bergman defends the HOTv championship and spends the next several minutes after that enacting some revenge on both Dan Ryan and Jatt Starr!
Before Benny can respond the lights in the arena go pitch black as the audience is lit up by thousands of lights from phones being held in the air. The HOV lights up as a large skull with a crown on its head appears on screen.
“THE KING… IS HERE!”
The sound of “HAIL TO THE KING” by Avenged Sevenfold blasts from the speaker system. The crowd begins a chorus of boo’s as smoke begins to build up on stage. Abdullah Choi makes his way out through the smoke first followed by STRONKETTE. They stand on either side of the stage as HOW Hall of Famer Jace Parker Davidson makes his way out through the smoke. Jace soaks in the hatred from the fans while covered in gold. The HOW LSD Championship belt displayed around his waist and the HOW ICON Championship on his left shoulder.
Hail to the King
Hail to the one
Kneel to the crown
Stand in the sun
Hail to the King
(Hail, hail, hail)
Bryan McVay: From Denver, Colorado, weighing in tonight at 253 lbs. He is a HOW Hall of Famer. He is the greatest LSD Champion in HOW history. He is the King of Everything. Here is The LSD Champion JACE! PARKER! DAVIDSON!
There’s a taste of fear (hail, hail, hail)
When the henchmen call (hail, hail, hail)
Iron fist to tame them (hail, hail, hail)
Iron fist to claim it all
Choi and STRONKETTE begin making their way down either side of the ramp to shield the fans away from Jace as he begins his walk to the ring. Once at ringside STRONKETTE makes her way up the steel ring steps as Choi argues with some fans in the front row. Jace slowly makes his way up the steel ring steps then slowly walks along the ring apron. Jace leans back against the ropes facing the crowd then lifts his Championship belts into the air as pyro explodes from high above the ring.
Joe Hoffman: The champion heading to the ring first as his opponent, due to Lethal Lottery rules, remains a mystery!
Benny Newell: That was it? That was your line? We are just going to completely ignore the fact that Joe Bergman and his SunCunt are just backstage cheap shotting everyone??? ARREST THOSE HICK FUCKS!!!!!!
Joe can only shake his head as he tries to remain professional…
Hail to the King
Hail to the one
Kneel to the crown
Stand in the sun
Hail to the King
Hail to the one
Kneel to the crown
Stand in the sun
Hail to the King
(Hail, hail, hail)
Jace lowers the titles then enters the ring while STRONKETTE holds the ropes open for him. He makes his way to the nearest corner then climbs the turnbuckle and poses for the fans as STRONKETTE hops down off of the ring apron. Jace hops down off of the turnbuckle and begins to prepare himself for the match ahead.
Joe Hoffman: And now we wait on his opponent…
The beginning of “This Means War” by Avenged Sevenfold thumps from the sound system as the crowd explodes into a fury of boos and hisses. A montage of Steve Solex plays on the HOV, flashing on and off in rhythm with the music.
Benny Newell: YES! YES! YES!
Joe Hoffman: Steve Solex? He’s not scheduled for the Lethal Lottery!
Benny Newell: But here he is, in all his glory!
As the music stalls, the HOV goes black as the lights throughout the arena go dark. A bomb-like explosion blasts at the top of the entryway sending a plume of smoke up and in front of the HOV in the shape of a mushroom cloud, and at that moment the music returns and Steve Solex makes his way out from behind the curtain. Solex is dressed in a block hoodie, black jeans and black combat boots; not his typical ring attire. He stops for a moment at the top of the ramp and smiles big as he points down at the LSD Champion in the center of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Is he in this match?!
Solex marches down the ramp and stares at JPD, who is unfazed and seemingly unimpressed with Solex as the number one contender to the LSD Championship slides under the bottom rope and into the ring to a flurry of boos and insults from the live audience. The music dies as Solex brings the microphone up to speak.
Steve Solex: Don’t you worry your perfectly quaffed little fuckin’ head there, champ.
Solex begins as he paces the ring.
Steve Solex: I’m not here tonight for a fight, hell…I was never even scheduled to be here in the first place, but last night. Last night, I got a phone call. And the person on the other end of that phone, well they asked me if I could come to the arena tonight…here in Cleveland.
The crowd boos at Solex’s mention of their hometown, showing no appreciation for the effort of a cheap pop. Solex looks around at the crowd with a sarcastic grin.
Steve Solex: Only in Cleveland would a crowd boo their own city.
The crowd erupts in boos once more as random pieces of trash are thrown into the ring in the direction of the MERCDAD.
Steve Solex: Apparently they forgot what you said last week. But that’s not what I’m out here for either. The person on the other end of that phone call last night asked me to be here tonight and to be…
Solex rips open the zipper of his black hoodie revealing a referee’s t-shirt.
Steve Solex: The referee of the LSD Championship match!
The crowd boos more as Jace’s face turns red as he becomes absolutely incensed.
Steve Solex: And as my first act as referee, I’m sending you two (points at Choi and STRONKETTE) back to the dressing room!
Jace absolutely loses it as a group of referees escort the managerial pairing of the LSD Champion up the ramp and to the back.
Steve Solex: Now that we’re done with that, let’s get to the matter at hand…your opponent.
Solex points to the HOV as the arena goes dark and the HOV comes to life as static and out of focus image fill the screen until we see a small makeshift room in the basement of the Best Arena is shown, Aceldama sits at the end of a bed, taping up his hands with black tape as two security guards are watching his every move. A red light above the only door in the room begins to flash and two large knocks are heard from the door. There is the sound of large locks unlocking and the door slides open. Eight men come through the door, each holding tasers, stand four either side of the door.
Joe Hoffman: It’s Aceldama!!
Jace is in absolute disbelief as he watches the HOV in horror.
Benny Newell: Aceldama and Steve Solex in the same ring at the same time!?!?! YES!
Aceldama stands up and turns. The two security guards check Aceldama top to toe, even inside his mouth. He takes his hands behind his back and a guard handcuffs them, then proceed to put a black blindfold on his head. The guards stand side by side of Aceldama and direct him towards the door. The two guards put Aceldama forward then the door closes. Its an elevator which begins to lift upwards.
Brian McVay: And the challenger, from Berlin, Deutschland… weighing in at 275 pounds… he is… THE AGENT OF CHAOS…. ACEL-DAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Meanwhile the scene cuts back to the Best Arena where we can see, from the entrance to the ring, four armed EPU guards take up pairings on either side. A hole opens up at the top of the entrance and Aceldama emerges. No music accompanies him, no pyro, no visuals. His head downwards with the hood on. He walks down the rampway and is forced to stop by the ring steps, a guard removes the handcuffs, then the hood. Aceldama looks around him, then all of a sudden is tasered in the back and rolled into the ring. He rises immediately and begins to go into a rage, shaking the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: The Champion can’t believe it! Of all people…Aceldama got the ticket to the LSD Championship match!
Solex explodes with laughter as JPD just stares across the ring at Aceldama.
Steve Solex: And if you think that’s bad…
Solex points up at the cage hovering above the ring as a light show flickers the arena from bright to dark and stock music plays throughout.
Joe Hoffman: A cage match!?
Benny Newell: I just filled the cup.
JPD kicks the bottom rope out of frustration, knowing that the odds have been stacked against him.
Jace Parker Davidson: Is that it?! Is that all you got!?
Jace screams mic-less at Solex, who just laughs it off. Solex points over to Aceldama who stares daggers into the champion across the ring.
Steve Solex: You ready?
Aceldama doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t move. Solex looks over the champion.
Steve Solex: You ready?
JPD silently mouthes the words “Fuck Off” to MERCDAD, to which Solex responds with a cheeky wink.
Steve Solex: Let’s go pussies, get it on!
Solex shouts in his best impression of MMA referee, John McCarthy, and calls for the bell. JPD is immediately distracted by Solex’s choice of words but before he can even turn to address the guest referee, he’s leveled by a devastating right hand from Aceldama. Aceldama wastes no time and makes a cover…
ONE! TWO! THRE…
Joe Hoffman: An extremely quick count from Steve Solex and the self-proclaimed King of Everything is barely able to get a shoulder in the air!
Benny Newell: That was perfect cadence from the #1 Dad!
JPD looks up at Solex with rage in his eyes, but he has little time to stew as he’s met with a brutal stomp to the chest from Aceldama, who immediately follows up with a perfectly placed elbow drop right into JPD’s heart. JPD rolls away from danger and under the bottom rope, getting between the ropes and the cage, attempting to escape the attack from Aceldama.
Joe Hoffman: Both competitors getting a lashing from the fans in attendance, and you have to wonder if the LSD Champion hadn’t used half of his commentary time last week to roast Cleveland he might have a little bit of support from the live audience here tonight…
Benny Newell: This is why I love the lottery, Hoffnuts! Jace is gettin’ the business, Aceldama is gettin’ the business, but Steve Solex…the fuckin’ MERCDAD. The number one ranked wrestler in HOW, is getting all the love!
Joe Hoffman: You’ve got to be back on the sauce, Benny, that is completely untr…OH MY! ACELDAMA WITH A THUNDEROUS CLOTHESLINE SMASHING JACE PARKER DAVIDSON RIGHT INTO THE STEEL CHAIN LINK!
Aceldama patiently waited for the LSD Champ to get to his feet and when he did, Aceldama made him pay with an unbelievably well timed clothesline that sent the crowd into a roar of cheers as Jace Parker Davidson melts back down to the ring apron. Aceldama rolls Jace back into the ring, and lifts him to his feet before sending him across the ring with an Irish Whip.
Joe Hoffman: Beautiful spinning heel kick from the challenger hits Jace Parker Davidson right in the bridge of the nose and the champion is down again!
Benny Newell: Oooo…that was smooth like Tennessee Whiskey!
Joe Hoffman: Careful Benny.
Aceldama slowly gets to his feet, almost methodical in his approach as he lifts Jace back up. Aceldama swings a big right hand but Jace ducks underneath and hits the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: Jace is a little wobbly on his feet, but he’s on the move!
Aceldama spins around and goes for a clothesline, but JPD ducks underneath and continues his momentum to the other side of the ring and just as Aceldama spins around one more time the LSD Champion puts him flat on his back in the center of the ring with a beautifully executed spear.
Joe Hoffman: Jace hooks a leg and makes the cover!
Jace looks around for Solex to make the count, but the MERCDAD seems to be blinded and is struggling to get himself together in the far corner of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: What the hell is Solex doing?!
Benny Newell: He’s been blinded! Someone blinded the #1 Dad! Call the police!
Solex stumbles around the ring and heads toward the cage door. He opens it a bit and tells a ringside tech to get him a microphone.
Joe Hoffman: The LSD Champion is in complete disbelief!
The tech hands Solex a mic and asks for quiet from the raucous live audience.
Benny Newell: Tell these people to shut up Joe!
Joe Hoffman: That’s not my job, Be…
Benny Newell: Shut up, Solex has the mic!
Steve Solex: Please, people!
The crowd boos wildly as Solex continues to call for quiet.
Steve Solex: Please, no flash photography during the match! I have a very sensitive retina and can’t take it! So please, for the sake of this match and my integrity, please…no flash photography!
Joe Hoffman: For the love of God!
Solex tosses the mic back to the ringside tech and turns around and finds himself nose to nose with the LSD Champion. Jace rears back to throw a right hand, but Solex quickly reminds him by tugging on his shirt that he is the referee of this match.
Joe Hoffman: Jace should drop Solex right here!
Benny Newell: Are you kidding me?! Solex has a steel jaw, we don’t need the LSD Champion on the injured list with a broken hand, Hoffhole!
The champion lowers his fist and yells a plethora of threats and swear words at Solex before turning his attention back to Aceldama.
Joe Hoffman: SLINGBLADE FROM ACELDAMA! THE CHAMP IS DOWN!
But JPD is only down momentarily as he stumbles right back up to his feet and charges toward Aceldama, only to be put right back down with a perfectly timed sit down hip toss.
Joe Hoffman: Aceldama makes a cover!
ONE! TWO! THREE!!!!
Joe Hoffman: NO!!!! Despite the incredibly fast count from Solex, the champion is able to get his shoulder up in time again!
Solex smirks and winks down at the fallen champion as Aceldama gets to his feet and pulls JPD up with him. Aceldama backs JPD into a corner with a few right hands and then Irish whips the LSD Champion across the ring into the opposite turnbuckle.
Joe Hoffman: What does Aceldama have planned here!
Benny Newell: Please…shut the fuck up.
Aceldama charges in for a running splash, but JPD ducks out of the way in the nick of time and Aceldama goes head first into the steel ring post. JPD sees his opportunity and darks across the ring and decimates Aceldama with a running lung blower!
Joe Hoffman: The challenger is flat on his back in the middle of the ring!
Benny Newell: Jace should make a cover…
Joe Hoffman: You know that’s not an option Benny! The only way for Jace to win this match, so long as Solex is the referee, is to escape or submit Aceldama!
Benny Newell: The day Aceldama submits is the day that I quit drinking, Joe!
Joe Hoffman: You already….you know what, back to the ring folks!
Jace is slow to get back to his feet, but when he does he gives Solex a middle finger and the crowd bursts into cheers.
Joe Hoffman: The crowd showing Jace a bit of love here as he flips Solex the bird!
Benny Newell: The bird? Are you out of your mind? They’re cheering because Jace is calling Solex #1! As in #1 Dad, #1 ranked wrestler, #1 in everyone’s heart…
Joe Hoffman: The champion is climbing up the cage!
Jace begins his ascent up the cage as outside referee Joel Hortega readies himself for a potential outcome, but Aceldama is quickly back to his feet and yanks JPD down from the cage.
Joe Hoffman: ENSIGURI FROM THE CHAMPION! ACELDAMA IS DOWN AGAIN!
Benny Newell: Not so fast Hoffhole, he’s back up!
Joe Hoffman: AND HE’S BACK DOWN! SPRINGBOARD CUTTER FROM THE KING OF EVERYTHING!
The champion has flattened Aceldama in the center of the ring and JPD laughs as he watches Solex pace the ring with a furious pace.
Joe Hoffman: Solex can’t believe it! Aceldama is down and isn’t moving and Jace is headed for the cage door!
Solex marches toward the cage door as well and cuts off JPD’s angle for escape. Solex acts confused, as if he’s accidentally found himself in JPD’s space, but the entire audience lets him know the truth as the arena booms with boos.
Joe Hoffman: A little jaw jacking here from the champion and the number one contender, but Joel Hortega has opened the cage door!
JPD attempts to side step Solex, but Solex gets right in his way. JPD attempts to go around the other way and again Solex gets in his way.
Joe Hoffman: Oh, this is trash! Solex is intentionally blocking JPD’s path to victory!
Benny Newell: What are you on? Solex is trying to get around the champ, but Jace is confused like an unconfident guy in the grocery store aisle! PICK A PATH JACE!
Joe Hoffman: OHHH! ACELDAMA WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE UNSUSPECTING CHAMPION!
Aceldama slams the champion to the mat, head and neck first and quickly shoots to the ropes and springboard himself into a Lionsault onto the champion.
Benny Newell: THE FINAL ALLIANCE WILL REIGN SUPREME!
Joe Hoffman: The champ is in real trouble here, and Aceldama is already climbing the cage!
Aceldama climbs the cage the quick way, by springboarding himself up to the top using the top rope.
Joe Hoffman: Would you look at that! The EPU has created a formation below the cage to catch Aceldama! But the LSD Champion has a hold of Aceldama’s foot!
Jace, unbelievably, was able to get up and grab ahold of Aceldama’s right ankle before the challenger was able to swing himself over the top of the cage.
The crowd gasps as Aceldama plants a boot right into JPD’s face, forcing the champion to let go of Aceldama’s foot and go crashing down onto the mat in thunderous fashion.
Joe Hoffman: What a sickening thud! And now the challenger is atop the cage all by himself!
Benny Newell: Jump you idiot! They’ll catch you! Jump!
But Aceldama, as he stares down at the fallen King of Everything, contemplates his next move and it’s not to go over the cage.
Joe Hoffman: What’s he doing?!
Benny Newell: DO IT!
Joe Hoffman: SUPER SPLASH!
Joe Hoffman: NOOOO!!!!! THE CHAMPION GOT OUT OF THE WAY!
Aceldama went for his patented 450 splash, but JPD got out of the way in the nick of time and Aceldama planted himself face first into the mat. The crowd goes absolutely ballistic as both men lay flat in the center of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Solex can’t believe it! Both men are down!
Solex doesn’t even attempt to make a count of ten and instead begins to try and nudge Aceldama back into the match with his foot. But just as the challenger begins to stir, the champion does as well.
Joe Hoffman: Both men back on their feet, and there’s a stiff punch from the champion!
Benny Newell: That was nothing! The champion has nothing left, Hoffhole!
Aceldama rears back and throws a punch of his own but JPD ducks underneath, puts a boot right into the challenger’s gut and drops him with a double arm ddt.
Joe Hoffman: UNSCRIPTED VIOLENCE!
Benny Newell: No, shit! SOLEX DO SOMETHING!
Joe Hoffman: BEND THE KNEE! BEND THE KNEE! ACELDAMA IS OUT COLD!
Jace looks over at Solex, who stands there with his hands clasped behind his head and his jaw on the floor. Jace drops down to a knee and holds on to his ribs. He slowly begins to crawl toward the cage door once more, and once again Hortega opens it up.
Joe Hoffman: He’s almost there!
Benny Newell: SOLEX!
Just as Jace reaches out to escape, the EPU wrestles Hortega away from the door and takes control of the cage and to make matters worse, Solex has a hold of JPD’s foot.
Joe Hoffman: This is outrageous!
Benny Newell: This is brilliant on the part of The Final Alliance!
Solex pulls Jace back from the cage door and the King of Everything gets right into Solex’s face.
Joe Hoffman: SOLEX IS DOWN! THE REFEREE IS DOWN!
Benny Newell: NOOOOOOOO! THE LAST MAN IN WRESTLING IS DOWN!!!!!!
While arguing with JPD, Solex was hit in the back of the head from the cage door that was flung shut by the EPU, who had been struggling with referee Joel Hortega. Solex stumbled backward and fell down in the center of the ring, and the cage door is open once again.
Joe Hoffman: SUPERKICK FROM ACELDAMA!
Benny Newell: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
DING! DING! DING!
Referee Joel Hortega calls for the bell as JPD stumbles backward and through the middle rope, out of the cage door and to the floor below. Aceldama can’t believe it and falls to his knees in the middle of the ring as Brian McVay makes it official.
Brian McVay: The winner of this match, by way of escape! AAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD SSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLL THE L….S….D CCCCCHHHHHHHHHAMMMMMPPPIOONNNNNNNN!!!!!! JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEE PAAAARRKKERRRRR DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVIIIIIDDDSSSOOONNNNNNNNNN!!!!
Joe Hoffman: What a match! Jace Parker Davidson is still the LSD Champion and Aceldama and Steve Solex cannot believe it!
Benny Newell: Disqualify him! Do it now Solex!
Joe Hoffman: Disqualify who? The EPU? Joel Hortega?!
Benny Newell: All of them! Every last one of the…
Joe Hoffman: What the hell are they doing!
The EPU has a hold of the champion and throws him back into the ring. Aceldama flings the champion into the corner and begins to Doom Stomp away on the chest and neck area of JPD. Solex grabs a mic as Aceldama goes to the outside of the ring and holds JPD’s arms back, pinning him in the corner of the ring.
Steve Solex: This is what you wanted? This is it? Do you really believe, for one solitary second, that you are going to make it out of March 2 Glory with that belt? Do you really believe that you are you going to walk out of March 2 Glory with your fucking life!?
The crowd boos as the number one contender gets down to eye level with the seething champion.
Steve Solex: Get ready, Jace. You’re in for the fight of your miserable fucking life, you sack of shit. If you think that I’m just coming for that LSD Championship belt at March 2 Glory, then…my friend, you’ve got another thing coming! I want everything, I want it all! I want the LSD Championship and I want that crown right off the top of your fucking head! I want the golden throne that you sit at! At March 2 Glory, when it’s all said and done, you’ll be down on your fucking knees and you’ll be looking up at newly crowned and minted, LSD Champion and The Last King of Wrestling!
Aceldama releases the LSD Champion who jumps to his feet.
Joe Hoffman: SOLEXECUTION!
Benny Newell: OH GOD YES!
Solex gets down on all fours and gets face to face with JPD.
Steve Solex: A fuckin’ sneeze huh?! Not as good as I think I am?! You just signed your own fuckin’ death certificate, asshole. At March 2 Glory…you’re mine!
The feed cuts to commercial.
Back live from commercial and the arena goes black….
“Tell you you’re the greatest
but once you turn they hate us!”
A magenta spot light hit’s entrance as the Queen of Epicness herself is already standing there waiting for the light. In her hand is a hockey stick from the Lake Erie monsters
The crowd roars as their hometown girl finally makes her appearance. Queen of Epicness Bobbinette Carey makes her way down the ramp. Her steps seem a little unsteady as she walks. The Mom Squad notices this as they get closer to her. She, of course, is wearing a Miss America style crown and scepter in hand. She isn’t in ring gear, but her clothing has the “216” on it. Leah holding a Cleveland Cavaliers flag and Michelle has on a Cleveland Guardians jacket over her outfit. Bobbinette continues to stagger and almost falls face first in front of her hometown fans. Leah drops the flag and grabs under Bobbinette’s arm as Michelle does the same. Bobbinette looks annoyed then shoves them both off of her while yelling at them that she has this.
Joe Hoffman: We saw earlier that Bobbinette Carey was not here tonight when the show began but it looks like she’s here now. The crowd is loving it, but it seems like Carey might have had a little too much to drink tonight.
“Oh the misery everybody wants to be my enemy!”
The HOV plays a black and white video package. (We see the clip of her smashing a photo over Mario Maurako; another clip of her hitting Mario with the defib pads, then the most striking image of Bobbinette standing over Scottywood and slapping him. Her battle with JPD and recent clips air)
She steps up the ring steps using her one hand to grab the turnbukle unsteadily. She shakes her head and wipes her feet on the apron before getting in the center of the ring.
“Spare the sympathy, everybody wants to be my enemy, but I’m ready”
She stands in the center as magenta pink and mauve pyrotechnics explode from the turnbuckle as she does a ballerina style exaggerated curtsy almost falling over. The Mom Squad stands on each side of her as they cheer on their bestie in front of the hometown crowd. She gets a mic handed to her as she seems to stare off into the abyss while the crowd continues to cheer. She squints at the loudness.
Bobbinette: Cleveland, your Queen is home!
She’s got a slight slur to her words as the pop of the crowd seems to ignore it.
Bobbinette: The Queen of Cleveland and her court! I didn’t need to wrestle tonight because I got to enjoy the show for once and see all you lovely people.
She looks back at the Mom Squad giving them a thumbs up then turns around. She goes to lean on the ropes, her eyes widened as she looks dizzy.
Bobbinette: See Cleveland is my home and because of that-
Her slurred words are interrupted as “The Greatest American” by Cracked Prism Studios hits. The crowd explode into a chorus of boos.
Benny Newell: Thank Lee.
America marches out clutching the World Championship on his shoulder. He looks out into the crowd who continue to boo and flip him off.
In the ring, the Mom Squad try helping Carey remain standing as America gets into the ring, walks over, and grabs a microphone from the ringside attendant. He moves to the turnbuckle and lovingly rests his World Championship across the top turnbuckle.
Finally, America turns to Carey.
Christopher America: Queen of Cleveland? Queen? America hasn’t had a Queen in over 250 years and the last thing it needs is a Queen that looks like… this.
America motions to the inebriated Carey.
Christopher America: In fact, HOW doesn’t need a Queen. Not when it has a GOD.
You know, I wanted to have a celebration when we were in Chicago. I wanted to celebrate my victory over… over HIM. But no. I couldn’t. I didn’t get the job done. And now, I see you celebrating in your hometown, being welcomed like a hero, and you’ve done NOTHING! You didn’t even compete at PWA 1. And so…
America immediately drops the microphone and clotheslines Michelle, of the Mom Squad.
The crowd erupt into boos as America looks down, stone faced. Leah looks horrified as she tried to hold Carey up who is looking on.
Joe Hoffman: What does America think he’s doing?
Benny Newell: My guess would be gaining us at least a point in the ratings for this quarter hour.
Joe Hoffman: These aren’t wrestlers!
Benny Newell: Then why are they in a wrestling ring?
America turns his attention to Leah who let’s go of Carey’s arm and begins backing up. America pursues her and backs her into the corner. He grabs her by the hair and pulls her head back. She cries out as America rams a forearm across her face!
Leah starts to slump as the crowd gets more enraged. America grabs Leah and hoists her up, putting her onto his shoulders.
Joe Hoffman: Enhanced Interrogation Techniques!!!
Leah begins crying out, flailing her arms and legs, but to no avail. Carey tried to get to her feet on her own but is struggling to do so in her drunken state. America turns away from Carey, looks out into the crowd, and then sits down with Leah still in the rack, hitting a devastating back breaker.
The crowd gasps as America’s eyes go wide.
Joe Hoffman: America has snapped! He keeps blaming Stanislav but this is America’s choice. These are America’s actions!
Crowd: Ca-rey! Ca-rey! Ca-rey! Ca-rey! Ca-rey!
The crowd chants for their hometown girl as America jerks his head in Carey’s direction. Carey has gotten to a vertical base as America now slowly does the same.
The crowd pops as the two begin circling each other. Carey moves in and goes to swing at America but America moves his head out of the way. Another wild swing and America easily dodges. Carey flails with her arms but falls down, unable to keep her balance.
America now walks to the corner and grabs the World Championship, he lovingly strokes the red leather and kisses the metal plate. He then turns around as Carey tries to stand once more.
The crowd roar their disapproval as America hunches down. He motions with his hand and screams at Carey to get up.
As Carey starts to get up, the crowd explode with cheers as…
Joe Hoffman: CONOR FUSE! CONOR FUSE! CONOR FUSE!
Benny Newell: This didn’t concern him!
Fuse races down to the ring and slides into the ring between America and Carey. Fuse glares at America as the World Champion remains loaded with the title.
Joe Hoffman: What’s he waiting for?
Benny Newell: This is a 2 on 1 situation! It’s not fair to America!
America glares back at Fuse, says nothing, and slowly backs out of the ring through the ropes. The crowd mercilessly boos the World Champion as he backs out of the ring.
“Bloody Tears” hits as the crowd roar approval at Fuse.
Fuse goes to check on Carey and the Mom Squad. After making sure they are relatively okay, Fuse turns back to the ramp as America holds his HOW World Championship close to his chest.
Joe Hoffman: What a World Champion. As if a 102 year old veteran wasn’t enough, now America is attacking two innocent women and a clearly inebriated Carey mid-celebration.
Karma’s going to catch up to America sooner or later!
Benny Newell: For 200+ days it hasn’t. And it ain’t going to be soon. America’s going coast to coast! War Games to War Games baby! Drink!
“Bloody Tears” continues to play as we cut elsewhere…
We cut back live inside the arena post our latest commercial break to the announcers.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back everyone. So far tonight we have seen Joe Bergman retain the HOTv Championship, get revenge on Jatt and Dan Ryan, and one helluva cage match for the LSD Championship where Jace Parker Davidson was able to escape versus fellow Hall of Famer Aceldama….
Benny Newell: And then promptly get his ass beat by the special referee of that match and his PPV opponent Steve Solex and said Aceldama….
Joe Hoffman: Those are indeed facts as well Benny.
Benny Newell: No shit. That is why I said them.
Joe Hoffman: I am being told now that it is time for the next match…..
Benny Newell: AMERICA!!!!!!!
Benny stands up and places his hand over his heart. The sold out arena stands as one as well…..albeit without placing their hands on their hearts.
Suddenly the opening chords of REO Speedwagon’s “Keep On Loving You” hit over the PA system. On the HOV, a giant heart appears to beat to the song.
Benny Newell: Welp…FUCK THIS.
Benny promptly turns and jumps the guard rail and promptly exits the scene as the entrance for Darin Zion continues…
You should have seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was somethin’ missin’
Emerging from the locker room is REAL LOVE Darin Zion, decked out in a pink and purple robe. The words REAL LOVE are printed on the back in sequins. The sequins sparkle in the pink spotlight hitting the smug HOW superstar while he strolls down to the ring. Unphased by the fans heckling him, he swivels his hips, trying to draw the attention of the women. A cocky sneer is painted on his face as he gets down to the end of the entrance ramp.
And I’m gonna keep on lovin’ you
‘Cause it’s the only thing I want to do
I don’t want to sleep, I just want to keep on lovin’ you
Bryan McVay: Introducing first…..FROM SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA. REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL LOOOOOOOOOVE DAAAAAAAAARIN ZIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOON!!!!
Zion throws his robe on the ground, displaying his 8-pack abs. REAL LOVE starts counting them, blowing a kiss to the camera. Sliding into the ring, he poses like a French model, winking to the audience at home. While the bridge finishes, Zion leaps up to his feet and turns towards the entrance ramp.
Joe Hoffman: Well it is no doubt in my mind that Benny is going to one day regret not calling a Darin Zion match but tonight is not that night. It appears that it will be Darin Zio—
Joe is interrupted as the whistling intro of “Engel” hits the PA system and we see Xander Azula make his way out from the back.
Joe Hoffman: Well we knew there was a possibility for a multi wrestler match tonight and it appears this is it. Xander Azula is making his way down to the ring now.
The crowd is buzzing as they watch Azula climb into the ring with Zion.
Joe Hoffman: If Azula and Zion both have their numbers being called here in this spot for the Lottery that only means one thing……
Joe is unable to finish his sentence as the lights in the arena dim as “Back in Black” by AC/DC begins to blast thru the PA system. A golden spotlight shines on the curtain.
Suddenly Jatt Starr AND Dan Ryan make their way thru the curtain at the same time.
Joe Hoffman: Oh boy…..both these men were BLINDSIDED by Joe and Sunny earlier tonight and they are NOT looking happy.
The cameras follow The Final Alliance members as they march towards the ring with no wasted movement.
The viewers on HOTv and PWA:TV are treated to a split screen showcasing the two sneak attacks earlier in the night. A stun gun to Ryan and a chair shot to Jatt’s back.
The flashback quickly slides off the screen and we see both men climbing into the ring.
Zion and Azula immediately step backwards as it is clear that Jatt and Ryan are not out here to play.
Joe Hoffman: I understand why Joe did what he did earlier tonight…payback for the previous week…..but man….he is going to owe Zion and Azula after tonight. One Christopher America has to be smiling from ear to ear knowing he has Jatt and Ryan in this match.
The feed cuts over to the middle of the ring where Bryan McVay is standing by.
Bryan McVay: Ladies and Gentlemen it is time for our next match of the evening. The winner of this match will become the NEW Number one Contenders for the HIGH OCTANE TELEVISION TAG TEAM TITLES!!!!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: WHAT??!! THIS ISNT FOR THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!???
Bryan McVay: The first team….drawing picks four and five in the Lethal Lottery……DAN RYAN AND JATT STARR!!!!!
The crowd boos unmercifully as they are now realizing that America has dodged a huge bullet with a tag team match being set up prior to his defense.
Bryan McVay: The second team….drawing picks six and seven in the Lethal Lottery….XANDER AZULA AND DARIN ZION!!!!!!!!
The crowd neither claps or boos. They are just in shock and talking amongst themselves as everyone is quickly trying to piece together who will be getting the World Championship shot at America.
Joe Hoffman: Well I dare to say that I was correct. Joe Bergman OWES Azula and Zion ALL the lunches and dinners.
Back in the ring McVay has exited and referee Joel Hortega has entered the ring and immediately signals for the bell as the match to determine the No.1 Contenders for the HOTv Tag Titles is underway.
Dan and Jatt sprint across the ring and clothesline both Azula and Zion sending both men thru the middle ropes and to the outside.
Ryan and Starr do not hesitate and exit the ring as well and continue on the attack.
Jatt kicks Azula in the side of the head one as we see Ryan irish whip Zion hard into the steel ring steps sending the top half of the steps flying.
Joe Hoffman: Inside the ring Hortega is refusing to count for a count out as neither team is in the ring and there will be no double count outs in a number one contenders match.
The feed cuts over to Jatt who pulls Azula up to his feet only to promptly poke him in the eye before suplexing the onto the arena floor.
We quickly Dunn cut over to the other side of the ring and we see Ryan landing a spinebuster onto the exposed bottom half of the ring steps.
The fans at ringside gasp as the sound of air leaving the lungs of Zion echoes throughout the arena.
Joe Hoffman: Zero messing around here by Ryan and Starr. Zero.
Dan Ryan pulls Zion slowly up to his feet and executes a perfect overhead belly to belly suplex. Zion hits the arena floor and skids several feet.
Ryan begins to stalk towards Zion as we cut away to the other side just in time to see Jatt dropp Azula down on his knee with an inverted atomic drop.
Joe Hoffman: ManJattan Drop by the Hall of Famer and folks…..this is getting hard to watch. The match started several minutes ago but because neither team has been in the ring we have yet to see any action from Hortega regarding countout that would mercifully end this match.
Back to the action and we see Starr and Ryan nod their heads at each other as the pickup their opponents and roll them into the ring at the same time.
Joe Hoffman: FINALLY.
Ryan and Starr roll into the ring as well and we see Azula and Zion crawling towards the middle of the ring as their opponents stalk them like lions.
Joe Hoffman: It is like a mirror is in the ring. Starr and Ryan are walking as if they have been copied and pasted into the ring. Scary how good these two are working as a team these past couple weeks and now tonight as well.
With all four men in the ring Hortega begins screaming at the two teams that one person has to hit the ring apron.
Joe Hoffman: Tough spot here still for Hortega as until one team at least exits the ring proper….there is nothing he can do. Countout is in play now but there is no way you can double DQ both teams at the moment.
Back in the middle of the ring Zion and Azula help each other up to their feet but just as they reach their feet they are met with another pair of clotheslines by Starr and Zion.
The crowd begins booing Ryan and Starr as they continue to bully the two men.
Starr pulls Azula up to his feet and whips him towards Ryan who promptly executes another spinebuster.
Joe Hoffman: Well Dan is two for two here with spinebusters. Minus the use of the ring steps….copy and paste execution from the big man.
Dan stands up to his feet and marches over to the far ring ropes where Zion can be seen trying to crawl out of the ring.
The big Texan grabs Zion by the ankle and pulls him back to the center of the ring. He grabs the man by the hair and yanks him up to his feet and now it is Ryan who whips an opponent towards his teammate and we Jatt jump off the top rope where he was perched and nails Zion with a beautiful dropkick.
The force of the blow sends Zion flying across the ring and the man rolls all the way to the arena floor.
Hortega quickly pivots and begins counting towards Jatt and Ryan and threatens to DQ them if one of them does not exit the ring in five seconds.
Ryan puts his hands up in the air and slowly makes his way to the far corner and exits the ring just before Hortega hits the five count.
Joe Hoffman: Here we go….finally…one on one inside the ring.
Starr, watching Ryan exit the ring, never sees Azula diving towards him….
Joe Hoffman: Desperation chop block from Azula!!!! Starr is down!!!
The crowd pops at the sight of offense from the non Alliance members.
Azula staggers up to one knee and then dives and delivers a bullhammer elbow to the back of Starr’s head and the Hall of Famer falls face first to the canvas.
Joe Hoffman: THE SNUB!!!! AZULA’S SIGNATURE ELBOW!!!!! HE COVERS!!!!
Joe Hoffman: STOMP TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD BY DAN RYAN BREAKS UP THE COUNT!!!!
But Dan Ryan does not stop with the stomp.
He yanks Azula up to his feet and lifts the 230lb man like he is weightless and promptly drops him down to the canvas with his burning hammer finishing move.
Joe Hoffman: Ryan with the save and then with the Headliner.
Hortega reaches almost reaches a five count before Ryan is able to exit the ring.
Back in the ring and both Starr and Azula are laid out…..but Starr begins to move first and begins crawling towards Azula and drops his arm across the chest of Azula.
Joe Hoffman: DARIN ZION BREAKS UP THE COUNT WITH A DIVING ELBOW DROP!!!!!!!!
The crowd showers Zion with real love as the man smiles at being able to break up the count just in time. Zion jumps up to his feet and turns just as Dan Ryan is seen rushing across the ring to deliver another powerful clothesline.
Joe Hoffman: ZION DUCKS UNDER THE CLOTHESLINE……RYAN OFF THE FAR ROPES…….KICK TO THE GUT BY ZION………ONE PERCENTER!!!!! ONE PERCENTER!!!!!
The crowd erupts seeing Zion drive Ryan’s head into the canvas.
Hortega, having lost control again, screams at Zion to exit the ring. Zion nods, and pulls Ryan up to his feet and tosses the big man over the top rope. Zion then exits the ring and for the first time in this match he grabs the tag team rope in his corner and signals for Azula to tag him in.
Joe Hoffman: I cannot believe this but Zion and Azula have the edge here and if Azula can make the tag……
The fans here in Cleveland are screaming for Azula to get to his feet and make the tag.
We cut to an overhead shot of the ring as we see both Starr and Azula begin to stir.
Azula begins crawling towards Zion.
Starr reaches the near ropes and begins pulling himself up.
Joe Hoffman: The crowd…now clearly behind Azula and Zion…….are WILLING Azula to make this tag….
Starr is up to his feet first and begins staggering towards Azula in an attempt to cut him off before he makes the tag.
Azula, desperation in his eyes, staggers up to his feet and dives towards Zion…..
But his hand only finds air.
Joe Hoffman: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just as Azula’s hand was set to make contact with Zion’s we see Darin begin to fall backwards violently as Dan Ryan has positioned himself to powerbomb the man off the ring apron and to the arena floor.
Zion’s body hits the arena floor with a sickening thud as back in the ring Azula smacks the canvas in desperation.
The crowd is completely deflated as Starr reaches Azula and grabs the man by his legs and flips him over and locks in his modified Texas Cloverleaf submission.
Joe Hoffman: No Falling Starr here tonight folks……Jatt has locked in his Jattaclysm submission and there is nowhere for Azula to go….
Azula quickly taps as Starr leans back.
Joe Hoffman: Business decision there no doubt by Azula….
Bryan McVay: WINNERS OF THE MATCH IN 13:40 AND NEW NUMBER ONE CONTENDERS FOR THE HIGH OCTANE TELEVISION TAG TITLES……DAN RYAN AND JATT STAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!
Ryan slides back into the ring and yanks Azula up to his feet and immediately drops him down to the canvas with a burning hammer.
Joe Hoffman: Another Headliner from Ryan here…….clearly frustrated and just for good measure. Look out Alabama Gang…..you got some serious contenders to the those HOTv Tag Titles.
The Cleveland fans continue to boo loudly as we see Starr and Ryan standing over the lifeless body of Azula as we cut elsewhere.
Post match the High Octane Vision screen comes to life…
Marvolo 3: … So by the end of our meeting, Mr. Best was begging to hear more of Marvolo’s thrilling adventures!
Marvolo 3 and his long-suffering valet, Raquel, walk across a gas station forecourt.
Their wardrobe turns heads, as the pint-sized Marvolo wears his full ring-gear, cape and all, while the beautiful Raquel wears her trademark red dress.
Marvolo 3: Yes, they definitely hit it off. That’s no surprise, though; both men are winners. Marvolo is, of course, number one—
#1 holds up his index fingers.
Marvolo 3: And Mr. Best is, well, the best. They’re a natural fit!
Marvolo 3: You’re right: Mr. Best did enjoy the tale of Marvolo tangling with the 50-feet long anaconda.
Illustrating one of his many daring exploits, Marvolo snatches the gas pump from a speechless by-stander’s hands. He wraps the hose around himself and wrestles it as though it were the snake.
Freeing himself heroically, he marches on towards the store. Another random onlooker hails him.
Yahoo: Hey, Marvolo! You’re number one, dude!
Marvolo 3: Thank you, random fan. Are you looking forward to Marvolo’s High Octane debut?
The man shrugs.
Yahoo: I don’t follow HOW, but I loved your debut for CW—
Marvolo plugs his ears and runs off, Raquel trailing behind in her heels.
Marvolo 3: LA-LA-LA, MARVOLO CAN’T HEAR YOU, LA-LA-LA!
After traversing the world’s longest forecourt, Marvolo winds up at the door. He stares at it in confusion.
Catching up, Raquel pulls the door and holds it open—
The sound of a bell alarms #1, who tears off his cape and tosses it at Raquel in one smooth motion. He stands with his arms raised and fingers wriggling, ready to grapple.
Marvolo 3: This must be a test – an impromptu match!
Marvolo 3: What’s that?
Marvolo follows Raquel’s gaze. She closes, then opens the door again—
Marvolo chortles as he lowers his guard.
Marvolo 3: Of course. Marvolo is just excited at the prospect of tussling with some new men!
They approach the counter.
Marvolo 3: That’s what brings us here, Raquel: Mr. Best told Marvolo what a keen gambler he is. It’s how he bankrolled HOW. Gambling is a mug’s game for most, but if you’re as smart as Mr. Best, you can stack the dominos in your favour. Checkmate!
They get in line.
Marvolo 3: The Lethal Lottery is the perfect opportunity for Marvolo. With three titles on the line—HOTV, LSD, and World—that means Marvolo has a 300% chance of winning!
Marvolo 3: All Marvolo has to do is buy a Lethal Lottery ticket. With his guaranteed odds, it’s just a case of which title match he’ll enter!
Marvolo is next. He steps up to the counter.
Marvolo 3: One scratchcard, please!
Marvolo 3: Oh, right. One scratchcard and some, uh, feminine products, please.
Marvolo leans on the counter and winks at the attendant, who rolls his eyes and dutifully rings it up.
#1 pulls out his wallet from who-knows-where.
Raquel: Num… Wahn.
Following Marvolo’s condescension, Raquel stops convincing him to not waste his money on an event for which he isn’t booked.
After paying, they step aside. Marvolo produces a coin and gets to scratchin’.
Marvolo 3: These hieroglyphs ought to reveal which championship Marvolo will compete for…
Raquel folds her arms in boredom.
Silver flakes pile up as Marvolo licks his lips hungrily.
Marvolo 3: The first symbol is a matchstick. That’s self-explanatory. Marvolo will be in a match.
Raquel chews bubblegum.
Marvolo rubs his hands together eagerly.
Marvolo 3: The second pictograph is a gold bar. That makes sense. It will be a title match, after all!
He looks up at the ceiling lights.
Marvolo 3: If you’re up there, Mr. Best, Marvolo would love for you to blow on his dice.
Raquel bursts her pink bubble.
Marvolo 3: RA—RAQUEL!
Dollar signs spin through Marvolo’s eyesockets and slam into view like a slot machine.
Marvolo 3: The third emblem is… a globe! Marvolo will be challenging for the World Championship!
The dumb-as-rocks luchador kisses the worthless scratchcard.
Marvolo 3: Good idea, Raquel. We’ll head straight to the show. Marvolo has a first-class ticket to glory, and he’s punching it in tonight!
#1 stashes the card down his singlet.
Marvolo 3: In the meantime, play it cool. These people would mug you for a gold filling.
Clasping his hands behind his back, Marvolo whistles innocently as he and Raquel exit the store and retreat across the forecourt.
Raquel: Marvolo es numbehr wahn.
With that the video and feed on the HOV goes to black.
SMARTER THAN THAT
As the image cuts to somewhere else in the Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse, we see Joe Bergman and Sunny O’Callahan heading towards the parking lot.
Joe Hoffman: Looks like the HOTv champion and Sunny O’Callahan are trying to get the heck out of here. Who can blame them to be honest.
Benny Newell: Typical MVW trash. They want to portray themselves as all innocent and then when you have your guard down……WHAM!
The sound of Benny hitting the announce table is heard.
Benny Newell: A steel chair hits your face or you have fifty thousand volts coursing through your body.
Joe and Sunny look around the corner to make sure the coast is clear and both head towards the exit and Bergman goes through the door first. Sunny waits a few moments before opening the door and when she does the back view shows barbs piercing her skin and the front view shows her being electrified in front of the HOTv champion.
Joe Hoffman: What the heck?!?!?!?
Benny Newell: I don’t know but it was fucking GLORIOUS!
Bergman rushes back into the arena and when he does he sees a steel chair coming right at him…
A hush falls over the arena.
There is nothing but silence as we see the steel chair open and be placed along Bergman’s throat before an individual takes a seat. The camera slowly pans up revealing the attackers identity.
Scott Stevens: Hi there champ.
The silence immediately feels with boos as the Texan looks down at his March to Glory opponent.
Benny Newell: Oh my Lee! Stevens actually did something useful.
Stevens leans forward on the chair adding pressure to Joe’s throat.
Scott Stevens: Please, don’t get up Joe.
Stevens tells Bergman as he reaches down and grabs him by the cheeks.
Scott Stevens: You may have gotten me in the ring tonight, but you honestly thought you were going to escape the arena tonight AFTER attacking two of Lee’s most loyal men? C’mon…..you are smarter than that….
Scott tightens his grip around his face.
Scott Stevens: I see and hear everything Joe and the only reason you’re still breathing at the very moment and not at the hospital with a feeding tube down your throat is because HE hasn’t ordered it!
The Texan growls as he pulls
Scott Stevens: Until then, just know the Demi-God is everywhere….watching and waiting.
Scott says creepily before smashing Joe’s head on the back of the concrete and slowly getting up.
Scott Stevens: Now you two kids have a wonderful evening.
Stevens says with a disturbing calm as he exits the scene as we cut to our final commercial break of the evening.
Back live from our last commercial break and we cut back to our Hall of Fame announce team as it is time for the final match of the Lethal Lottery…..
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back everyone…including my partner Benny Newell who returns post Darin Zion competing….folks there is no doubt any longer….we know the main event.
Benny Newell: This type of shit will drive me back to drinking…..are we sure we know? What you basing this on?
Joe Hoffman: Because there were only so man entries, Benny.
Benny Newell: Right, I was testing you. We sure there are no suprises?
Joe Hoffman: I’m sure. Anyway… it’s going to be Christopher America against Brian Hollywood.
Benny Newell: I’d like to send in my resignation.
Joe Hoffman: You’re not doing that.
Benny Newell: To see BRIAN Hollywood as the champion again? Yeah….if he wins here I know Lee might bail too. Speaking of Lee, I need to get an amendment to my contract. I should have lumped Hollywood in with Zion. I am an idiot.
Joe Hoffman: Let’s just go to ringside for the announcements.
The scene switches to ringside where Bryan McVay stands in the center of the squared circle.
Bryan McVay: This is the main event of the night and it is for the HOW World Championship!
The crowd cheers as Hollywood’s theme begins and smoke fills the stage.
Bryan McVay: First, the challenger… from Los Angeles, California… weighing two-hundred-twenty-five pounds… BRIAN HOLLYWOOD!
Joe Hoffman: Folks, as you witnessed all night long the champions would come out first because we didn’t know their opponents. Now, however, since it’s clear Hollywood is the challenger… he’s out first.
Brian Hollywood appears to a mixed reaction from the fans, some who will be on the side of the champion but also others who are not only starting to get behind the thought of seeing an upset, but hoping to see Hollywood reclaim something he’s tried to recapture for a while. The former World Champion walks down the ramp, looking focused and ready.
Joe Hoffman: Conor Fuse is going to be watching this match very closely.
Benny Newell: And I quit. Again. Second time in minutes. I don’t want to hear that fucking virgin’s name anywhere in this match.
Joe Hoffman: He IS the number one contender.
Benny Newell: Quit. Done. Move on or else!
Hollywood rolls into the ring as his theme song is replaced.
Bryan McVay: And his opponent… from AMERICA… weighing in at two-hundred-fifty-five pounds… he is the HOW World Champion… CHRISTOPHER AMERICA!
Benny Newell: I’d say tall task but it’s… fucking Brian Hollywood. Then Conor Fuse. Kill me.
Joe Hoffman: I thought you said you didn’t want Conor Fuse’s name brought up.
Benny simply scoffs in reply as America enters the ring and hands the referee his championship.
Matt Boettecher asks for the bell.
America is like a pitbull. He charges forward and tackles Hollywood to the mat. The champ begins pumping right forearms into Brian’s temple, over and over again as the crowd cheers USA USA with each shot. Soon, however, the fans can’t keep up as the forearms are so fast and hit so hard. America pulls Hollywood off the mat and hurls him into the ropes. Upon return America delivers a sitdown hip toss and then goes back to pummeling Hollywood with more shots.
Benny Newell: Like I said, it’s over in a hurry! Thanks for showing up, Brian!
America drags the challenger to his feet again and tosses him into a corner. The Flag Man runs in after and clubs Hollywood in the head with a clothesline, then hip tosses Brian to the center of the ring.
America drops a measured knee to Hollywood’s temple. He flings Brian into the ropes again and this time connects with a knee to the side of the head. Hollywood is sent for a loop and America makes the first pinfall attempt.
Joe Hoffman: America’s right back to work.
Benny Newell: Of course he is!
Both men are on their feet but the challenger is wobbly. American uppercuts follow, working Hollywood into a corner.
Benny Newell: Brian’s overwhelmed!
America tosses Hollywood into the corner across the way and it’s like the match is on repeat. The champion charges in for another clothesline… when suddenly Brian Hollywood emerges and hits his own clothesline on America, flipping the champion inside-out and to the mat.
The crowd gives an “OH!” at the sheer impact of the move and how Christopher America, who has a few pounds on Brian Hollywood, was knocked to the mat with such force!
Hollywood begins mud stomping the champion as quickly as possible. Similar to the forearm shots he received, he’s doing the same thing with his boots. Stomp after stomp, it works the champion into the corner. Each time America tries to get on his feet, he’s knocked back down and has a rather stunned look on his face, in-between absorbing the blows.
Brian drapes Christopher across the turnbuckle pads and then knife edge chops him so hard it echoes within the arena. Some of the crowd “WOO’s” upon hearing the move but when Hollywood tries to do it again, America ducks and throws the challenger into the turnbuckle. The HOW Hall of Famer smacks Brian hard across the chest with a good ol’ American knife edge chop, also receiving a “WOO”.
America goes for a second but Hollywood ducks it and shoots himself off the ropes. Brian opens himself up-
And eats a knee to the chest for his troubles.
Hollywood doubles over in pain as America hits a ring shaking gut wrench suplex on Brian, complete with a high stack pinfall attempt!
The kickout had a lot of strength behind it. So much it sends America a couple of steps back as Hollywood shoots to his feet.
And Brian LEVELS Christopher with a boot to the side of the head!
America is still standing. He fumbles around while Brian takes this opportunity to bounce off the ropes and land a swinging neckbreaker. With the champion down on the mat, Hollywood doesn’t waste time. He goes to the second buckle, stands and then leaps off with a measured leg drop across America’s neck.
Joe Hoffman: Pin!
Joe Hoffman: Hollywood’s holding his own here, Benny. Just like any former champion would.
Benny Newell: [Inaudible]
Hollywood rocks his arms back and forth as he throws shot after shot into America, who’s trying to get up and manage the blows. The Flag Man wants to fight back… he’s trying to get his shots in…
But Brian Hollywood is overwhelming him.
The crowd is shocked. Christopher is worked into a corner. Then Hollywood Irish whips the champion into the buckle across the way. America puts his hands out to stop the blow from hurting him. He successfully halts his progress, turns around…
But is sent to the mat regardless in the form of a spear!
Joe Hoffman: DAMN! What a move! Almost took America out of his boots!
The crowd is stunned once again… but this time Brian Hollywood doesn’t go for a pin. Instead, Hollywood positions onto the top rope.
Joe Hoffman: LOOK OUT!
The fans rise from their chairs as Brian Hollywood hooks BOTH legs!
There is no concern on Brian Hollywood’s face. He seems like he’s okay with what happened. Instead, he merely pulls himself up and drags Christopher America along with him…
Straight into a German suplex.
Hollywood holds on.
Hollywood holds on.
Hollywood holds on.
BUT this time America escapes, bounces off the ropes-
German suplex by Hollywood!
Shock. Awe. Amazement. Hollywood is dominant. This time, as Hollywood rises to his feet he looks around the arena… it’s clear he’s really believing in himself!
Benny Newell: What THE FUCK am I watching!?
The crowd is loud and Hollywood doesn’t waste another second. He attempts a falling headbutt onto America and it meets skull-to-skull! Then the former champion throws the current champion into the ropes and looks for another spear-
NO! Finally, Chris moves out of the way! America spins Hollywood around and lands a desperate DDT! Both men are down!
The crowd continues to stay alive, as it’s anyone’s game.
Joe Hoffman: Christopher America showing why he IS the World Champion. He started off strong but in these middle stages he was certainly outmatched. Still, though, he’s proving why he’s been such an incredible champion for so long…
Both men are up, although each of them are reeling. Brian Hollywood might be fresher but he was hit with an implant DDT and his forehead met the mat hard. It’s clear he’s dizzy.
America looks for a right hook first but it narrowly misses Hollywood. Hollywood looks for a jumping knee but America dodges it at the last possible second. America tries for a knee himself when Hollywood catches it, pulls America into his body and then lands another German suplex!
Brian shoots to his feet and stumbles into the corner. He drags himself up to the top rope.
Joe Hoffman: Oh my god-
Hollywood measures and jumps.
FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH!
Joe Hoffman: IT’S OVER!!
Benny Newell: No. Fucking. Way.
Hollywood hooks one leg and traps the other.
BARELY A SHOULDER UP, BUT A SHOULDER UP REGARDLESS!
The arena SCREAMS! Some of them thought they saw a new champion crowned and others were beside themselves when Christopher America kicked out.
Hollywood looks surprised. He thought it might’ve been a three but nevertheless he’s not going to argue. The opportunity remains so he throws America into the ropes and then aims for the running claymore kick… when #97 ducks, hits the next set of ropes and Christopher connects with a flying shoulder block!
Hollywood collapses to the mat. However, so does America.
Joe Hoffman: The shoulder block was all America had in him!
Both men are down again as the crowd rallies the floor with their feet to get the wrestlers going.
Matt Boettcher begins his ten count. Once he reaches five, there’s some stirring by both men. Chris is on one knee while Brian crawls on all fours to the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: Hollywood knows he needs help to get up here. That shoulder block sent him for a loop.
Benny Newell: I can’t watch!
Hollywood is up. America is up. They turn into each other…
America pushes Hollywood back to the canvas and immediately latches onto the challenger’s ankle.
Joe Hoffman: Ankle lock!
Brian lets out a shout, then he tries to break away but can’t. Then he pulls at his hair to manage the pain he’s in. He can barely manage. Then he tries to reach for the ropes. They’re too far away.
Benny Newell: It’s over! Cinderella, see you later!
But before Christopher America can fall to the mat with the submission still in place, Hollywood pushes his arms off the mat so he can reposition his body. He flips himself over and then uses his lower body power to force America to take a step forward. This allows Hollywood to pull his free leg free and kick the champion away!
America goes into the ropes but stops there. He turns around, furious with himself and the match for letting the ankle lock slip away.
Hollywood leaps in the air and catches America with an enziguri!
America is stunned! He’s on the ropes, both literally and figuratively as Hollywood regains a vertical base and lands his signature maneuver, the jumping cutter.
Joe Hoffman: The Paper Cut!
Benny Newell: …
Yet Brian Hollywood can’t make the pin! His foot cramped up from under him, it’s a surprise he was even able to leap forward and hit the cutter.
Joe Hoffman: In the end, it looks like that ankle lock paid off for America. He may have been displeased with himself for not holding onto the leg and getting the submission victory but he certainly did damage!
Hollywood is close to America but not in a pinning position. The jumping cutter threw his body further away from the champion.
Hollywood realizes he’s going to have to crawl over for the pin.
And he can do nothing more than drape the hand over the chest.
LAST SECOND KICKOUT!
The crowd cheers as there’s life in the champion once again and they’ll witness MOAR wrestling! A USA USA chant follows as Christopher America starts pumping his fists up and down, trying to allow the crowd to work him up off the canvas.
Not to be outdone, however, is the challenger. Both men make it upright. America goes for an American uppercut when Hollywood blocks it, pulling the champion into his body and then connects with a release German suplex.
America lands on his feet!
The crowd gives a massive cheer; the champion doesn’t look happy!
The Flag Man charges at Brian Hollywood, who’s not yet aware #97 landed on his feet. The HOW World Champion delivers a STIFF as shit knee shot to the chest of Hollywood, knocking the air right out of the challenger.
An AMERICAN suplex follows!
Benny Newell: That’s how it’s done!
America holds on…
For a second AMERICAN suplex.
He’s going for a fifth when Brian Hollywood breaks free, elbows America in the nose and then hits a springboard dropkick into America’s gut. The champion stumbles into the corner but BURSTS out of it with a clothesline that sends Hollywood inside-out, very similar to how Christopher America was hit at the beginning stages of the match.
The crowd comes alive as America drags Hollywood to his feet again…
Running release AMERICAN suplex.
Hollywood crumples to the mat.
America is seething. He’s feeling it but he also looks pissed off. He races towards Hollywood and delivers another STIFF knee, this time square in the side of Hollywood’s head.
American uppercuts follow. They are sending the challenger all over the place. America is feeding off the crowd… each blow seemingly more intense than the last. He hurls Hollywood into the ropes and on return Chris connects with a chop block, sending Hollywood crashing to the mat.
America dusts the challenger off and re-sends him back to the mat with a discus elbow.
Christopher grunts towards referee Matt Boettcher. However, the champion shows championship composure thereafter. He’s looking to place Brian Hollywood in the torture rack.
Joe Hoffman: America is looking for the Enhanced Interrogation Techniques…
Hollywood is trying to fight out of it. He’s attempting to break free from America’s grasp because once he’s up there, he may be done for.
America almost has the challenger up…
Hollywood slips away! And he takes Christopher America with him in the form of an implant DDT of his own!
The crowd is in HOLY SHIT mode as Brian Hollywood pulls himself off the mat and screams into the stands. He’s ready to go. Brian is taking it to the top rope.
America’s stirring… Hollywood knows he has to do something quick. He leaps in the air…
Joe Hoffman: HE’S CAUGHT!! CHRISTOPHER AMERICA HAS CAUGHT BRIAN HOLLYWOOD!
The torture rack is locked in! Christopher not only caught Brian jumping from the top rope but he quickly worked the challenger into one of his key submission holds!
Hollywood can’t do anything and the look on America’s face suggests his opponent isn’t getting out of this one. Hollywood tries to wave his hands around but after a few moments, they suddenly stop moving. They are limp. Dead. It’s done.
Referee Matt Boettcher checks on the challenger…
And calls for the bell.
DING DING DING
America discards Hollywood to the mat and then falls onto his knees.
Bryan McVay: The winner of this match AND STILL World Champion… Christopher America!
Brian Hollywood slowly comes to but rolls out of the ring as America gives his head a slight shake while recovering himself.
Benny Newell: Can I get a year check, Joe?
Joe Hoffman: What?
Benny Newell: 2023, right? Thought I was in 2016 for a split second there with Brian Hollywood one count away from winning the World Title.
Boettcher hands the title over to Christopher America, who, upon taking it, rises to his feet and holds the belt high.
Joe Hoffman: So it’s settled, come March to Glory it’ll be Christopher America defending the title against the man he won the belt from at War Games last year, Conor Fuse.
Benny Newell: I hate it. Rather see Hollywood.
Joe Hoffman: No you wouldn’t.
Benny Newell: I will say, Hollywood had it in him tonight.
America’s theme plays as he eventually makes it to a corner of the ring and holds the title high again.
Joe Hoffman: We are out of time this week but join us again next week. Thank you everyone!
The HOW signature appears as the crowd chants USA USA and Christopher America pumps his free hand in victory.
Sometime after the final match and somewhere backstage a very, very, very sad cowboy lays across the floor of his locker room. The bottle of Jack Daniels in the center of the room is empty, while the second fifth in his hand is down to half.
Clay Byrd: If the good lord decided to take me tonight!
Clay takes a sip.
Clay Byrd: And if the angels decided to taaaaake me hoooome!
The Behemoth wobbles.
Clay Byrd: When they lay me to rest, I have one last reeeequest.
His blood shot eyes stare into the camera, his matted beard is borderline revolting.
Clay Byrd: Won’t you siiiiiing me a saaaaaaaaad cowboy soooooooo—
Clay’s eyes are wide as he wobbles momentarily before slumping forward. We see a figure step into the light behind him. The man shakes his head and sneers at the disgusting mess of a man on the floor in front of him.
Steve Solex: And to think, I fucking believed in you once.
Solex’s riot baton flies forward and cracks The Behemoth upside the head again and the big man crumples into a heap.
Steve Solex: You big crybaby piece of fucking shit.
The baton crashes down again.
Steve Solex: Catch this shit on CNN later when you and your PRIME BLUE PRESIDENT are cuddling…
And again. Solex mounts Byrd and pulls his bloodied face up by his hair. He bends down screaming, shouting directly into his face.
Steve Solex: You don’t even deserve to breath the same fucking air as I do. You don’t deserve to fucking exist!
Solex snarls, hawking a giant loogie up. He makes sure it’s from the bowels of his esophagus, he hacks and coughs, snarling the entire time. He spits the loogie directly into Clay’s bloodied mess of a face and throws The Behemoth to the ground. He delivers a few parting stomps, and spits on him a few more times before grabbing the bottle of whiskey and taking a big giant swig of it.
Steve Solex: Fuck you Clay, and the dumb fucking horse you rode in on.
Solex pours what’s left of the bottle on Clay and begins to walk away before something catches his eye. He closes the baton and reaches over grabbing Clay’s cowboy hat. The MercDad pats the inside, flexes it and puts it on, he turns around and smiles.
Steve Solex: Fits me better anyway.
With that the feed on HOTv and PWA:TV comes to an end.