PRIME RUMOR MILLS: AUGUST 25TH EDITION

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Aug
25

Hello everyone, Matt Mills here with a fresh edition of Rumor Mills for your eyeballs. Check it out!

  • Word on the street is that Senior Officiant Timo Bolamba was so embarrassed that Cancer Jiles tricked him into a false count at ReVival 12 that he spent an entire day doing slide and count rhythm drills in his gym.

 

  • Coral Avalon has allegedly been facing pressure from Visions of Mega Job LLC, creators of the “Mega Job and the Ten True Fruits” cartoon, to stop performing as Baron von Blackberry in PRIME as soon as possible, due to how poorly negotiations have fared with PWA since the ACE Network buyout. It’s rumored that he intends to carry on with the character until at least UltraViolence at the end of September, if things don’t improve before then.

Legally speaking, the worst that Visions of Mega Job LLC could do to Avalon is write him out of the show, as Avalon himself has owned the Blackberry character since his 2009-10 run in Sin City Championship Wrestling. However, such a measure could be considered a last resort, considering Blackberry’s performance and popularity on the show.

The cartoon’s next season is set to air on Mega Job’s official YouTube channel on the morning of September 23rd. Possibly not coincidentally, this is the same day as UltraViolence.

 

  • Rumor has it that after ReVival 14 — Darin Zion and PRIME officials will meet up to discuss new details of his current deal. What happens next is up in the air, but sources are running wild after the months of The Love Convoy protests.

 

  • The Tupi Mask of Horrors, an artifact from the antiquity of the Tupi indigenous tribe in the rainforests and highlands of Brazil, has been reported stolen from Museu Histórico de Brasilia in that nation’s capital. Why it’s being reported in a wrestling rumor mill is not for the fact that a theft occurred. Police in the capital city were unable to apprehend the thief, mainly because most of the budget had been sopped up by COVID-proofing the everyday life of President Jair Bolsonaro, who is COVID-free for a record-breaking 17th time in the last two years. However, they were able to glean enough information to name a prime suspect, who was wearing a mask similar to that of PRIME wrestler The Anglo Luchador and who recently underwent a Brazilian butt lift.

The mask is of great interest to the Tupi tribe, as they used it to fend off Portuguese colonizers in the 18th century, but thanks to deforestation, peace treaties, and various sicknesses, not even their mask of legend could help them stave off the encroaching Europeans. If you believe the history books and authorities, the mask is only ceremonial. However, there are some accounts, apocryphal as they may be regarded, that speak of its unholy power.

“With great power comes great sacrifice. We only used the mask when we were pinned deep, backs against the great cliffs.” – This passage was found on a Tupi manuscript, incomplete but left behind by the suspected thief at the museum. Anyone who knows what the mask’s powers are won’t say for sure what they imbue the wearer with. However, the thief himself was rumored not to have been interested in the item for his own gain.

Sources around the dive bars and speakeasies of the American Southwest gleaned some information from a figure named “El Rey” at a watering hole in Oklahoma. Details are sketchy, but from what our private investigators were able to deduce, the mask is of great interest to one Hoyt Williams. Whether he feared that it would fall into the hands of his many enemies or whether he wanted it as a failsafe for if the mask he uses to command John Kennedy Royko, Jr., he desires it greatly.

Then why would the thief, who is suspected to be PRIME Most Wanted #1 Roderick McRatrick, allegedly be shopping it to The Anglo Luchador? Is he a double agent? Is he trying to leverage more money from the Williams camp? Or is he just an idiot. It could be any combination of the first two with the last one, folks. Keep your eyes peeled to the Rumor Mills space; we’ll follow this story for you.

 

  • Word going around the front office is that PRIME’s reigning Five Star Champion, “The Escape Artist” Rezin, still has an outstanding fine of $10,000 that remains unpaid since it was first levied by CEO Lindsay Troy.

It remains unclear what sort of disciplinary action will be taken if the fine hasn’t been paid by UltraViolence, where he is scheduled to defend his title in a rematch against GREAT SCOTT. Some sources have speculated that he may be stripped of the title and suspended without pay.

It is of note that there have been practically no incidents or outbursts involving the Goat Bastard since his successful defense at ReVival 12.

 

  • There’s been a lot of speculation in the sports world as the owner of the Los Angeles Angels owner looks to sell the team…and the rumors are buzzing that the Masters of the Multiverse are placing a bid!

While unclear just what the duo have in mind for the team should they be successful, there have been murmurs of “making Angels in the Outfield and the Multiverse of Sportsness”…which tells us the Masters have no clue what owning a sports team actually entails.

 

  • Melvin Beauregard has confirmed that he will not be present at ReVival 14 due to his current hospitalization. However, his correspondence via PRIME’s internal social media channel doesn’t exactly paint an entire picture.

“Oh my God, he’s so annoying,” said a woman leaving Sunrise Medical Center, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “My brother is down the hall from him and we can hear him rambling away all day long about what a big deal he is and how hard he works. I’m honestly surprised the nurses haven’t tried to poison him yet. I would’ve by now.”

It’s unclear whether the PWA Liaison will be in attendance at ReVival 15 or UltraViolence, but we’re sure he’ll let us know. Frequently.

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