Rumor Mills- November 14th

Hello again everyone, Matt Mills here, with two pieces of news to report before we get onto the rumors:

• • First up, an update on Adam Ellis. The explanation for his recent disappearance from PRIME stems from a sudden medical emergency his father suffered at the end of October. Lindsay Troy graciously gave Ellis time off from PRIME so he and his wife Ginny Van Lear could return to Missouri to help take care of his parents’ affairs while his father recovers. Adam is expected to return to PRIME in January.

• • Secondly, as stated on Jabber today by the Queen herself, PRIME will be hosting a holiday food drive at the MGM Grand Garden Arena this Friday evening. Ticketholders and arena staff are encouraged to donate non-perishible items, which will be distributed to local food pantries and soup kitchens ahead of the Thanksgiving holiday. A portion of ticket sales will also be donated.

And now, onto the rumors for the week!

• • The reaction to Paxton Ray’s inclusion in the Belmont Classic has been chaotic, to say the least. Protests from fans, wrestlers and trainers alike have poured in from all over the world, with several prominent figures calling for a boycott of the event.

There’s been at least a few rumors of withdrawal from the tournament surrounding almost every entrant. Five of those have been confirmed: Obedience Collyer, Mayhem Lyons, Maxime Magnan, Bubba “Porky” Stubbs, and Wei Zhen have all officially declined their invitations to compete, citing either fears for their own safety or the safety of others.

“Je refuse que ce monstre fasse à mon fils ce qu’il a fait à Jonathan Rhine,” Alexandre Magnan said from his home in Quebec City. “Maxime poursuivra son voyage vers la grandeur sans le Belmont.”

This exodus, combined with rumors of more to follow, has the event staff scrambling to find alternates. It has proven a difficult task, thanks to the shortage of committee members after the recent wave of resignations, as well as the reluctance or unavailability of other applicants. Most of them have either made other arrangements and are no longer available or, like the ones who have already quit the tournament, refuse to take part as long as Paxton Ray is involved.

More on the story as it develops.

• • The announcement of Paxton Ray for the Belmont Classic sent shockwaves through the wrestling world. His provisional and probationary reinstatement into PRIME was controversial enough, but most have come to terms with it if it means King Blueberry can get vicarious revenge on him. The Belmont Classic entry is different though. Ray is technically eligible for the tourney, but his experience in the mud pits coupled with his sociopathic tendencies that led to his paralysis of his former tag partner, Jonathan Rhine, have sent many entrants scurrying. The Colton Academy and the Gates of Avalon school, according to Jabber posts in the wake of the announcement, signified some soul-searching.

Another such Jabber post came from The Anglo Luchador, who said he had to “talk to Peach” after the announcement. The funny part about that is Peach Backshots, competitor in the Milo Flynn Cup and current SHOOT Project wrestler, is not listed as one of the competitors. There are rumors she is included under a mask, perhaps as the mysterious Milagro DC, but no one has been able to confirm or deny that. The conversation was not fruitful. Sources say that Peach was resolute in her determination to compete in the tournament. She made sure to note that she’d navigated SHOOT Project with its own bunch of sociopaths, including possible future World Champion Nate Robideau, current Rule of Surrender Champion Judy Punchinello, and the duplicitous Carolina Lions.

One other note to pass along about this… our sources at the airline companies have noticed a plane ticket into St. Louis from Philadelphia for one Thomas FX Battaglia during the same time the Belmont Classic is to occur.

• • Coral Avalon was said to be molten hot about the inclusion of Paxton Ray into the Belmont Classic, and had heated arguments with the selection committee over the phone immediately after he caught wind of it. It’s believed that he was on the cusp of pulling the Gates of Avalon Wrestling School not only out of the 2022 Belmont Classic, but all further Classics, before he was talked down from the decision by his head trainer, Franco Marchesi.

As it stands now, the school still plans to send two of its graduates to the Classic. One is Curtis Alexander Brown, the standout ace of the 2022 class, the nephew of Allen “Codemaster” Brown, and the grandson of profession wrestling pioneer Curtis “the Hammer” Brown. The other is the Renowned Gabriel, who has impressed fans in Seattle with both a tricky wrestling style and his dazzling array of magician’s tricks.

Three other Gates of Avalon students – Ignacio el Jaguar, Sam Smart, and Wally Wallace – did not make the cut for the Belmont, but are on reserve in case of injuries or cancellations.

• • There’s a rumor slowly making its way around that Jacob Mephisto is practically salivating at the idea of facing Paxton Ray at ReVival 19. Unconfirmed sources say that, although Mephisto is a monster in his own right, his firm policy is similar to Don Torreto’s: You don’t turn your back on family. It would seem that Mephisto has taken umbrage with Paxton’s actions towards his former friend. Another unconfirmed source mentioned that Mephisto would even consider bringing Paxton into his own family, potentially “having him for dinner.” These sources are anonymous and are totally unconfirmed.

• • It’s been reported that PRIME talent Sage Pontiff was detained by police following a brawl outside of a bar in East Vegas. Security footage showed the Bodhisattva being assaulted before retaliating, and he was released after declining to press charges–and refusing any medical assistance.

• • It’s been rumored that Timo Bolamba ran into a very old, very orange friend from the FUSE era. With all the bears and facsimile bears running around PRIME, Timo might be looking for help from a furry friend of his own.

Of course with Timo’s many ludicrous adventures spanning lawless days of wrestling that were beset with mythical heroes and creatures of the night, it is hard to say exactly who he might be looking to reunite with, IF this rumor has any truth to it.

More duplicitous winds blowing the pan flutes of gossip next time.

• • There is a hot rumor that El Temblor forgot someone’s treachery.

When asked if this was true, he simply replied: “Your treachery? El Temblor remembers.”

• • Rumor has it that Ivan Stanislav was present at the 20th National Congress of the Chinese Communist Party this past October. Naturally, it is difficult to get information out of China as a whole, but a late night flight and night footage showed a very tall man wearing red suspenders and walking amongst several Chinese dignitaries. Seems conclusive enough to us!

• • Reports have been coming in that the trademark “Think Red” has been renewed after being dormant for almost two decades. There are two trains of thought with this rumor: 1.) The gum company “Big Red” may be going through a rebranding effort, where they use the gum to somehow boost brainpower; or 2.) Alexei Ruslan is reviving his old opinion piece, “Think Red” for a new audience. Without sounding biased, it is plain enough to say that the opinion piece he used to write certainly skewed in a certain… direction.

• • Despite his Jabber handle (@jfonfortnite69) and his “Once Upon A Time In Fortnite” finishing maneuver, Joe Fontaine has not played Fortnite in over a year and doesn’t know what’s going on with that game any more. Please stop asking him about it. God.

• • A strange rumor out of Sid Phillips’ apartment complex. At 3:18PM on November 7th, 2022, a loud, “definitely manly” shriek and the sound of a cell phone being hurled into a wall with the force of a powerbomb was heard. This roughly coincides with a strange incident on Jabber where everyone learned that GREAT BEAR logged into Jabber and jabbed the following.

And I quote, “frigysm hugs girth agfryda fridraga.”

When asked about it, Sid Phillips attempted to laugh it off, but clearly, there was fear in his eyes. The fear of knowing that a terrifying beast that “knows no powerbomb” is watching him. Some day soon, those sweet Beats by Dre headphones that churn out comforting EDM will not be able to sate that beast any more, and then PRIME will experience a series of mysterious bear maulings.

We don’t know who the culprit would be in such a scenario that Sid definitely didn’t propose to us, but we’re putting money on Ivan Stanislav.

[Editor’s note: Gary, come see me in my office. We need to have another talk.]

• • Rumor has it Lindsay Troy is a narcissist! She needs to be stopped. HOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

• • Sources say someone with ties to The Atlantic and GQ has decided to try their hand at pro wrestling. We know he’s in Texas, but not much else. PRIME fans on Twitter are saying it may be one of the Koch brothers, Rick Perry, or Elon Musk.

Given Elon Musk’s contentious history with several members of the roster, this is a hot button topic.

• • And now, a rarity here on Rumor Mills: rumor has it that resident Time Lord, Muse, demi-god, and Merch Lord Anna Daniels will announce an online auction on the upcoming ReVival. Details of how long it will last or what charity the proceeds would be given to are unclear. However, there is talk of the main item being “a one-of-a-kind NEW ERA shirt, the only one of its kind, a true collectable for any PRIMEate past, present, or future.”

• • Lindsay Troy was overheard being asked if Mega Job would be eligible for the PRIME Hall of Fame, given their contributions to professional wrestling and the cartoon world. She was heard laughing for one minute and thirty-six seconds straight before she abruptly stopped and said, “No, fuck that.”

Rumor has it that Troy sent Coral Avalon a fine of thirteen dollars and sixty cents for the time she wasted laughing, as he’s the only employee of Visions of Mega Job LLC that works for PRIME.

Yes, she timed it. No, we won’t question it.

• • Scuttlebutt exists that FLAMBERGE, during his short-lived tag team with Henry Keyes in DEFIANCE’s Tag Party IV as “Kraken Skulls,” pressed the Southern Heritage Champion hard about his cocoon-based healing mechanisms, their restrictions, and whether or not he could loan one out in service of Phil Atken. Follow-ups were pursued by our most intrepid reporters, but were shunted away quickly by a variety of people in Plague Doctor masks and robes.

• • A lot of buzz has surrounded some recent comments on the part of the Masters of the Multiverse…B-Team, as we head toward Colossus. One of the bigger rumors abound suggests that the B-Team may be taking some drastic measures to make sure they get people’s attention at the big event.

Whether such measures can top bringing in multiversal dopplegangers to steal–I mean earn–a victory remains to be seen, but it seems the Commissioner of Food and Beverage may uncork something terrifying upon PRIME in the coming weeks!

• • After being withdrawn from SHOOT Project’s Reckoning Day card, there’s been rumors that Ria Lockhart has left wrestling entirely. A not too reputable source has informed us she’s relocated to Oklahoma to become a rodeo clown. There’s been next to no evidence that this is the case and almost no one has been in touch with the missing woman.

“Come on! She was never any good! Before PRIME, she was carried by her sexy, super smart and more talented partner!” The source, who used the name DJ, told us. “What else would she be qualified for?! Though I’ve heard if she doesn’t show up, there’s a doctor in PA that would be perfect for the opening.”

• • PRIME has learned of a pending change to the infamous “Duck List.” Word around the pond is that Ethel Rosenbloom, one of the two names on the list noted for her misfeeding of bread to the local water fowl, has passed away peacefully surrounded by her family. With so few shows left to go before Colossus and the migratory nature of birds, we hear that PRIME officials are scrambling to find a replacement, as in addition to Ms. Rosenbloom’s passing we have also learned that Sally McDevitt’s parents refuse to let her compete, claiming “Six year olds can’t fight birds! Why are you trying to pay my daughter to fight?”

• • Word circulating around the nest is that PRIME has reached out to legendary wrestler Pelican Boy, best known for his time in the National Wrestling Council, about filling the now-empty “Duck List.” While we cannot confirm whether Pelican Boy – who holds an undefeated record in PRIME, a fact he insisted we publicize despite him never competing for the company – will appear to challenge Duck, we can confirm that his skin is pink. At this time we are unable to comment as to the nature of his unique skin tone.

• • David Fox was sighted in Las Vegas with his wife Saori Kazama this weekend, having a night out on the town. While Fox claimed to a bystander that “it’s date night,” he may have also been in town for another engagement. That may have changed, however, as Fox is reported to be on his way to Timo Bombala’s Asylum training facility, according to Jabber.

• • Several suspects have been named in the theft of Timo Bolamba’s Kombucha drink. When asked about the rumor, Timo only said “Just one more thing…”

• • A leading U.S. style and fitness magazine has reportedly contacted PRIME’s marketing department about a cover story on “the silver foxes” of the company. According to Michelle Johnson’s office, the journalist covering the feature is interested in the lives, careers, and fitness regimens of Dusk, Wade Elliott, Dametreyus, and Nova.

When asked for comment, Ms. Johnson had this to say:

“We’re beyond delighted that members of PRIME were considered for this article. The sport of professional wrestling isn’t just for 20 and 30-somethings, and we are very proud to have athletes and staff that represent a wide range of ages.”

Lindsay Troy also chimed in with thoughts. “Make sure you talk to Jiles about this,” the Queen said while trying to keep a straight face. “And when he asks, tell him I suggested it.”

The article is expected to hit shelves and the Internet sometime in January 2023.

• • And lastly, some hot goss’ regarding the PRIME locker room, as word has circulated that a representative from the Short Dick Defense League will be on-hand at ReVival 19 to personally thank Ned Reform for his generous donation to their cause. Upon reaching out to the SDDL for confirmation, a representative who chose to remain anonymous also hinted that the group was proud to welcome Universal Champion Cancer Jiles into their mix, and they expected his application to be completed within the week. When asked why they believed Jiles would be interested in joining the SDDL, their spokesman stated, “Literally everything he does. There’s only one way you get that kind of energy. Soon Mister Jiles will be able to take off those sunglasses, no longer having to hide the shame of his tragically small manhood.”

We here at the Rumor Mills elected not to follow up with the eGG Bandits, because let’s not kid ourselves, that just makes too much sense.

[Editor’s note: Gary. Fucking seriously?!]