Hello everyone, Matt Mills here, mad that Starbucks has left the salted caramel mocha off their fall menu AGAIN this year. I’m going to soothe my soul with some hot n spicy rumors. Let’s get to it!

  • The hottest story in PRIME right now is Paxton Ray and his hellacious attack on his partner Jonathan Rhine. We’ve already reported on Rhine’s condition, but sources tell me that the situation is so dire that Paxton Ray is seeking private counsel in case he faces criminal or civil charges for the attack. Someone looking similar to Ray was seen in New Orleans coming out of the Entergy Center in the Central Business District. There are many businesses in that building, and many law firms as well, but the one that got our attention was the law firm Fleetwood, Fleetwood, Harper and Fleetwood. PRIME fans may recognize that last name, and if it is who we think it is, that’s bad news for everyone. No one wants Chet on our TV sets anymore.


  • As reported on the record, The Anglo Luchador has been shaken over the vicious attack on Jonathan Rhine at UltraViolence. Privately, our spies have seen an uptick in his drinking. He has a lot of enmity for Paxton Ray, but he also has no idea when or even if facing him would be appropriate, given his multiple other commitments. While his match with Jace Parker Davidson is in his rearview, there are still the World Series of Wrestling, legal fallout from his Fighting for Nora activities in his home area of Philadelphia, and, of course, the Intense Championship. He also did not want to stand in the way of Jared Sykes getting the first crack, given how much closer he’d been to the situation.

People around him are starting to get concerned about how he’s spreading himself too thin as well. That’s been a running theme, especially now from the damage he’s taken in his last two Intense Championship defenses…


  • A rumor-killer, but despite all common sense of how naming your children should work, “Coral Avalon” is indeed his real name.


  • Sid Phillips is rumored to have spent several hours in a forest outside of Seattle to shoot the powerbomb scene in the Winds of Change’s entrance at UltraViolence, looking for aliens to powerbomb. He only relented when he received a phone call informing him that they’ll just edit it in post. He then powerbombed an alien in frustration and left.


  • Joe Fontaine is rumored to have spent two whole hours crying by himself in a public restroom in the MGM Grand Garden Arena after he and Sid lost the tag title match, and was only lured away by the promise of celebratory steak among friends and family by his parents. He was also told that there would be tag titles at home, but was aghast when he was told that the tag titles in question were actually the IWO Minor League tag titles.


  • Rumor has it that PRIME webmaster intern Stu (interns don’t get last names) has a serious grudge against Cancer Jiles. The beef started from his constant hazing as “The Messiah Kid” at ringside. Rumor has it that Stu has posted the name “CRUMB” on the Universal Title graphic. After hours of strenuous fact checking, we have found this rumor to be true.


  • Word from the Glue Boys is that Hank was unable to continue counting pennies after he reached a total of $800.85, citing the peak of humor. FLAMBERGE allegedly assumes the total count is accurate and has given up counting, and is instead considering copper-based Art Nouveau projects. One early suggestion of a copper breastplate has apparently been rejected.


  • Hot goss from the locker room! Rumor has it that PRIME president Lindsay Troy thinks Brandon Youngblood is a cutie. Despite this ringing endorsement of the former Universal Champion’s broad shoulders and powerful thighs, we hear that he is still not a contender for PRIME’s Sexiest Man against the lusty duo of Jared Sykes and Sid Phillips.


  • Daniel Darby has apparently successfully settled out of court with the Brets Chips organization after months of protracted litigation. While the specifics are only speculative, the apparent feeling is “shit could’ve been a lot worse” and “Darby still has a house”, the latter of which was once in question. No word yet on when (or if) he intends to appear on PRIME programming, but FLAMBERGE is rumored to have maintained “Full Ghosting” in response to Darby’s attempts at communication; as such, Darby may be considering other inroads into the show.


  • In wider wrestling news: Trevor Ratigan, known to wrestling fans and Knoxville PD as “Rotten” T.J. Ratigan, recently completed a court-mandated sensitivity training course. This “graduation” was triggered by a contract offer from a major wrestling promotion.

Ratigan made appearances for the National Wrestling Council, Old Line Wrestling, and Sin City Championship Wrestling. He was a known associate of “Wise Guy” Wyatt Connors and, according to former tag team partner Deacon Dale, a “prescription-strength dumbass.”

Ratigan’s last match was in 2017, when he was deemed “too toxic for any environment, even professional wrestling.” He was required to take a six-week course, which he completed in only five years. Significant delays were caused by a series of mental breakdowns suffered by the instructors.

Trevor Ratigan was reported to be very excited when the contract offer came through. When he saw that it came from High Octane Wrestling, he immediately signed up for more sensitivity training. According to a state official, he has shown remarkable progress.


  • Rumors are circulating that there is tension within the Kings of Popsicles locker room after King Blueberry (Jared Sykes), infamous hot boi and leading candidate for the title of PRIME’s Sexiest Man, appeared on two episodes of High Octane Wrestling’s weekly television program. Could he be looking to trade his blueberry mask for something more Punisher-themed? Only time will tell!


  • Nate Colton had reportedly been approached by Bret’s Chips for a possible sponsorship deal; we can now confirm that the offer is off the table. However, rumors have been buzzing about other companies hoping to sign the fresh-faced superstar to a sponsorship deal. Some of the names being mentioned include Colton’s Family Steakhouse (no relation), Toyota, and Jimmy Dean. Sources say that advertisers are drawn to his work ethic, positive attitude, and youthful appearance. “He’s the kind of guy advertisers always want,” one source told us. “A real All-American type.”


  • Rumor has it that with Ivan Stanislav now an official member of the roster, The Russian Bear will begin scouring the PRIME roster for potential candidates to join his Red Army. The only question is will this be voluntary, or will The Bear try conscription? Either way, if this rumor is true, Stanislav looks like he’s willing to exert his influence for the long term.


  • And in other signing news, a source within the talent relations office has let slip that journeyman wrestler “Mister Middle Management” Mike McGee has signed a PRIME contract. A former staple on the FWCentral circuit, McGee has been off the radar for a few years, however said source has said that Mike is “looking forward to signing up the roster for a new group life insurance plan.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *