Rumor Mills – September 21st

img
Sep
22

Hello fellow PRIME fans, this is Matt Mills here with another edition of the Rumor Mill. We’re going to jump right into things.

  • Despite signing with the company weeks ago, Ned Reform has yet to be booked after the victory in his debut match. Reform is said to be preparing to take legal action against PRIME, seeking the revenue he would have made had he been booked for the upcoming PPV. PRIME lawyers expect literally nothing to come of this.

 

  • Reports have trickled in that The Anglo Luchador has been seen in Las Vegas the last couple of days. Ever since Great American Nightmare, he’s been diligent about being at home during off-weeks to maintain balance in his life and stay close to his family. Why is he back, and why has he not used the suite he has on retainer at the MGM Grand? Our spies have seen him at Timo Bolamba’s state of the art new wrestling gym, which hasn’t even opened to the general public yet. We cannot ascertain why the luchador arrives at 5 AM every morning and stays until 5 PM at night, but the curious part is the hulking sumo-turned-tag specialist Mushigihara is always there, although only between the hours of 6 and 10 AM most days. He generally leaves looking grumpy and dissatisfied. We also do not understand what his “OSUs” mean unlike the B-Team and David Fox, apparently. The luchador has been tight-lipped as well, and we cannot get any of our reporters inside the building. All we can discern is that Mushi is not there with Fox, and whatever is happening is probably not going all that well. We’ll keep you updated, however, as to what, if anything, is going on between the Intense Champion and the God-Beast.

 

  • Just as many American hotels choose to remove the 13th floor from their elevators and many Japanese hotels choose to remove the 4th floor, rumors about that the MGM Grand is seriously considering removing the functionality of the 12th floor buttons on their elevators after 95% of the PRIME roster attempted to overtake a single open room there (to violent results).

 

  • Bret’s Chips has reached out to both FLAMBERGE and Nate Colton about a possible joint-spokesman opportunity. Word is that each man was interested in the proposition, until the other was mentioned.

 

  • Ivan Stanislav Moving to Kaliningrad? Rumors abound that The Russian Federation is preparing a new house for Ivan Stanislav in Kaliningrad, Russia. Stanislav currently lives in an apartment in his hometown of Arkhangelsk, Russia. Stanislav, who is currently signed for a one-time match at UltraViolence against Hayes Hanlon, might be considering a return to full-time competition. If so, having a residence somewhere more hospitable, and closer to other major airports that would travel to Nevada, may be the reason for this supposed move. Alexei Ruslan, compatriot of Stanislav, was asked for comment. His response was dubious at best: “It’s only natural for Praporschik Stanislav to want to live somewhere named after a decorated communist: Mikhail Kalinin. Kaliningrad bears his name and holds special significance to Praporschik Stanislav, nothing more, nothing less.” No member of the local government was available to comment.

 

  • Rev 15 is shaping up to be the last time we will see the Baron von Blackberry character for a while, as no deal was met between PWA and Visions of Mega Job LLC for the streaming rights to “Mega Job and the Ten True Fruits”. All negotiations have said to have ended, as the cartoon company will be pursuing other streaming options. Coral Avalon still remains a contracted employee of PRIME, however.

 

  • Sid Phillips is said to have been proclaiming that he’s been consulting with “meme archeologists” after learning that the Winds of Change have been called a “meme team” recently. The discoveries found in the lawless, untamed wilds of the internet could lead to a greater understanding for how ancient denizens of the internet toiled their time away. And he is definitely *not* using this as an excuse to look at boobies, because that would be ridiculous.

 

  • The Anglo Luchador will keep his dance card full with an appearance at CHAOS at the Best Arena in Chicago the week after Ultraviolence to take on Jace Parker Davidson. Internal belief in the company is that while all the front office on the PRIME side believe he could beat JPD in a contextless situation, the match with Balaam and the hostile territory situation has PRIME officials worried that an exhausted luchador might bring about shame to the company. Exacerbating the situation, the luchador is said to be adamant at going it alone and not bringing along any backup. In an unrelated note, Lindsay Troy will not back down from her assertation that The Anglo Luchador is an idiot. Or is it related? This is Rumor Mills, after all. You’re not supposed to get the full context.

 

  • There are rumors that Joe Fontaine has been asking various roster members if they know any “cool kung fu monks” and where he could find their temple where they teach you how to defy physics.

 

  • It appears Adam Ellis and Ginny Van Lear have moved out of their St. Louis apartment and reportedly are headed west. Their former neighbor Mrs. Tuttlesworth is reportedly very pleased by the move as it means she’ll be able to get a good night’s sleep again. Where are the couple moving to? Somewhere closer to Las Vegas from all indications.

 

  • If Julian Bathory wins the Universal Championship he plans to sacrifice the belt instead of a live chicken. Hail Hanson!

 

  • This week on PWA-TV affiliated show HOW Chaos, Darin Zion suffered a severe broken nose at the hands of Frank Dylan James. Sources backstage say that Darin Zion is devastated about this injury’s impact to his lovely million dollar face. PRIME officials have no timetable on when Zion may be cleared for action again. But dirt sheets are reporting Zion may disregard doctor’s orders. When we receive more information—we will share in here on the PRIME website.

 

  • Word on the the street is Jiles’ UltraViolence entrance is three songs long. A source close to the rumor said, “It’s his last one. Go big or go home.”

 

  • Earlier in this week, “The Escape Artist” Rezin was witnessed walking into the PRIME offices during business hours, carrying with him a nondescript briefcase. After a brief audience with Lindsay Troy, the Five Star Champion was seen leaving the building empty-handed. Speculation indicates that the business involved payment of the Goat Bastard’s outstanding fine, but there’s been no official word on what was said between the two.

 

  • In other Rezin-related news, it’s been confirmed by multiple sources that Rocko Daymon, training and spiritual advisor to Five Star Champion, has been checked into Landmark Recovery of Las Vegas for a two-month stay. The Escape Artist has continued training in solitude near Death Valley in the days leading up to his title defense against GREAT SCOTT at UltraViolence.

 

  • A little bird told us that Senior Officiant Timo Bolamba’s wardrobe is just a bit more snug than usual after his local dry cleaner hired a new employee by the name of Lancer Styles. Or something very similar. Said Timo after picking his two-sizes too-small shirts up “Ay Tagaloa! Doesn’t he have anything more important to worry about?”

 

  • A note from Michelle Johnson, Chief Marketing Officer of PRIME. “Given the circumstances surrounding the Universal Championship Main Event of Ultraviolence, it has been decided that the match will take place in a steel cage. This aspect of the event was a late decision, ergo, marketing up to this point has not noted the additional stipulation. That being said, through discourse with PRIME Officials, we are proud to announce the construction of a speciality apparatus that will be known as ‘The Ultraviolence Cage’. We hope this will become an annual tradition for the event.” A press release detailed that the cage will be constructed by local contractors. Of note is that the dimensions of the cage are unique to PRIME, with a width of 26 feet and length of 16 feet, and will consist of chain-link fencing. This decision is said to allow better sight lines, was well as play to a more traditional aesthetic. Additional medical personnel have been requested, which is an expected decision based on the expected level of physicality and violence to take place.

 

  • Negotiations on renewing PRIME’s residency with the MGM Grand have stalled. Sources are speculating that Lindsay Troy has received various offers for other residencies in Las Vegas and beyond. The meetings with the MGM started out encouraging, but due to the nefarious negotiating tactics of former MGM Liaison Melvin Beauregard, things are looking troubling. The Queen and PRIME’s lawyers, headed up by General Counsel David Walter Smith, are leveraging for financial compensation due to damage that Melvin has done to the PRIME brand while working for the MGM, while the MGM brass is rumored to have said “Who the fuck cares about Melvin?” More to come on this later.

Thank you all, and we’ll see you again for another addition of the Rumor Mill soon.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.