ReVival 15 News and Notes

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Sep
16
    • Drs. Astrid Fihlguud and Graham Early have confirmed that Phil Atken suffered a severe concussion and there is currently no timetable for his return. Lindsay Troy is said to have checked in on the Humble Proprietor and reports that he’s doing about as well as he can be. However, there is talk that members of the Glue Factory are currently in shock and adrift with Phil Atken incapacitated. People have already reached out to Glue Factory members with new opportunities and employment avenues. This includes the MGM Grand Pool Manager offering Hank a space as a full time lifeguard.

Whether these offers are taken up remains to be seen during this very fluid situation.

 

    • Following the assault on Phil Atken which forced the Universal Title to be vacated…and following his loss to Rezin at ReVival 15…and following the deluge of pennies flooding his beloved FLAMBO, the word from the Glue Factory is that FLAMBERGE is prepared to go nuclear at UltraViolence. What “nuclear” means at this stage is unclear, though this reporter was advised to “go home quickly” before pursuing further comment from the Frenchman. This advice was taken.

 

    • The major heat between Brets Chips and Mr. Darby, FLAMBERGE’s former brand manager, seems to have cooled slightly as FLAMBO’s recent spotlight has grown. Some within the Brets organization privately expressed interest in resuming co-branded marketing opportunities with the young Frenchman, though obviously without Darby’s involvement.

When asked about this development, Darby responded: “Please god let this lawsuit go away, I’m on my fifth legal team and I’m pretty sure they don’t speak English OR French.”

 

    • After ReVival went off air, a forklift was used to transport Bobby Dean back to the locker room.

Private Jet and Aircraft Carrier owner, Cancer Jiles, released the following statement following the brutal attack on Phil Atken. “I regret nothing, and I still think Bathory is a crumb. But, if Mom asks, tell her Julian started it.”

When asked about his scathing remarks at the end of ReVival, Jiles replied, “I don’t recall saying that.”

Doozer received ten percent off on a recent oil change due to his AARP discount.

 

    • Phil Atken was pronounced dead by a nearby Las Vegas Veterinarian. The vet said of the prognosis: “He lost that dog inside of him.”

Following ReVival, both Cancer Jiles and Julian Bathory were seen in the principal’s office. Word is that both men will be subjected to heavy fines for their actions, and other unconventional punishments are on the table.

 

    • Both Violence Jack and MESSIAH front runner Noah Hanson were unavailable to comment on the happenings after the ReVival 15 main event.

 

    • One would expect Brandon Youngblood to have taken the events closing ReVival 15 hard as he saw the Universal Championship that he fought tooth and nail to win and retain vacated through a senseless assault on now-former Champion Phil Atken, the Humble Proprietor of the Glue Factory. However, another PRIME superstar has taken umbrage to the attack. The Anglo Luchador was so furious after the show ended that he demanded to go on record.

“I was no fan of Atken’s,” the Intense Champion said, “but he earned his path to the top. Even if he took a shortcut to win the title, it was his title to lose in the ring, not due to a series of sucker punches by two morally bereft lowlifes.”

When asked what he thought PRIME CEO Lindsay Troy should have done instead, he remarked “I am not a booker or a manager, and she was put in a tough position. The morally correct thing to have done would have been to suspend both [Julian] Bathory and [Cancer] Jiles and place the vacant Championship up for grabs between the winner of Youngblood and Nova. However, I understand the Network places undue pressure on the office not to appear to play favorites. She’s in a tough spot, and I hate the fact that these two rudos are being rewarded.”

When asked if he’s taking his eye off the ball by commenting on this matter, he replied, “This is a ludicrous question. Human beings can care about many different things at the same time. I have in front of me two challenges, one a supernatural beast who might rend me asunder, and a dipshit albeit a dipshit I am wrestling on his home turf in the most hostile territory possible. But the reason why I am taking on Bart Harley Jarvis [This is the Anglo Luchador’s pet name for Jace Parker Davidson] is because I care about PRIME and the company’s integrity. What happened at the end of ReV 15 puts a dent in that integrity. I hate it. And I want to do something about it.”

He did not expound on what he wanted to do about it.

 

    • HOW’s Joe Bergman was on hand at ReVival 15 to watch Adam Ellis pick up his first PRIME win. Lindsay Troy made sure Joe had a seat in Section 214.

 

    • Baron von Blackberry offered no comment on his future with PRIME, except that he’s retiring to his “vacation home” in the scenic, yet diabolical nation of Fruitsylvania for the foreseeable future. He specifically noted that it’ll be in “South Fruitstadt” with a lovely, night time view of the burning magma fields, adding “You hardly even notice the stench of the poisonous gasses that they constantly spew out!”

For that matter, Blackberry has offered no hints about who is actually accompanying the Winds of Change to the ring at UltraViolence, except that he’s “strong, handsome, and has a wife of equivalent beauty to Mrs. Blackberry.”

Joe Fontaine and Sid Phillips were not in attendance for ReVival 15, having requested the night off. Sources close to the pair of misfit Breezy Bois have said that they’ve spent an increased amount of time preparing for their tag title showdown with the Kings of Popsicles.

Sources have also said that it ensures that neither will be fined this week for their assorted shenanigans.

 

    • I can report The Anglo Luchador bought a “big fruit basket” for Dr. Gary Tongueman DDS, the intern who runs the Glue Factory Jabber account, albeit this was confirmed through means more suited for Rumor Mills. The card attached stated “I’m not sorry for jabbing back at you because you were a dick just like your boss, but I still hate to see someone lose work due to thoughtless actions. People are people, even rudos! Enjoy, and I hope you’re not allergic to any of this spread.” It is unknown whether Dr. Tongueman accepted the fruit basket.

 

    • Mere moments after their simple business meeting with the Dangerous Mix, the Masters of the Multiverse B-Team have offered us an AXECLOOSIVE bit of news regarding the match at UltraViolence!

After much hemming and hawing from Kenny Freeman, the mysterious PRIME competitor has revealed to us that the charity Dangerous Mix is representing in the Fund-O-Matic Challenge is one that does, in fact, begin with a letter.

When informed there are twenty-six letters in the alphabet, Kenny simply replied, “so’s your mum,” before he and Randall Schwartz departed.

Meanwhile, the hunt is still on to figure out who the hell Kenny Freeman is.

 

    • A small blemish/sore was seen on Brandon Youngblood’s top lip.

 

    • GREAT SCOTT enjoyed a vanilla ice cream cone after his win against Hayes Hanlon.

 

    • Following ReVival 15, a mediator was dispatched by the front office to confront “the Escape Artist” Rezin on the issue of his outstanding fine, but the Five Star Champion had already left the arena.

“I’m not fucking around with the UltraViolence card anymore. If Raisin doesn’t pay up by midnight Saturday I’ll see to it that the beating I gave him at DEFIANCEtv feels like a walk in the park. And then I’ll fire him.”

 

    • We attempted to catch up with King Blueberry at the end of the night in order to get his thoughts on his first victory in PRIME as a singles competitor, but were informed by his partner, Reina Raspberry, that he left the arena shortly after the match concluded.

“I don’t know why, and I’m not going to guess at what goes on in his head. You can quote me on that,” she said, when asked for comment.

The subject of a recent rumor, Raspberry was also quick to dispel any hearsay about an argument that took place with her partner at the Milo Flynn Cup.

“Did we have a conversation? Yes, but I wouldn’t call it an argument. It was a rough night for some of the Flynn competitors we know, and emotion in this business has a tendency to carry over. That’s all it was. And if anyone has any doubts, then we’ll put those to rest at UltraViolence.”

 

    • Melvin Beauregard was asked about the latest viral internet rumor. Many YouTube wrestling channels and journalists have talked about the viral sensation that has become Jared Sykes vs Sid Phillips. With the declaration that the title of “hottest man in wrestling” is on the line, Melvin was asked if this will be acknowledged.

Melvin had this to say on the matter: “Of course Jared Sykes is going to bring attention to it. Just like he made the vicious and ruthless attack that happened to me all about himself with the planted nurse. Plus, there’s no way Sykes is sexier than Sid. Have you seen the men in question? Sykes’ may have the incredible eyes you can lose yourself in and the facial hair of a supermodel, but look at Sid; he’s so powerful and strong. Sid looks like the kind of guy you could go camping with and he’d make sure he woke up early to make you a nice breakfast while having chopped all the firewood. I’m firmly Team Sid.”

 

    • Speaking of Melvin, with everything going on in the ring at the end of ReVival 15 it was easy to miss the PWA Liaison and Tony Gamble in the backstage area having a lengthy conversation. The two shared a few laughs before Melvin handed Tony a packet of papers, then shook hands as Melvin patted The Grin on the shoulder. Melvin hobbled away with a grin that would rival Tony’s own, as Gamble flipped through the first few pages of the paperwork in his hands. While it is uncertain what Tony received from Lindsay Troy’s BFF, the logo on the front page looked a bit like a flame.

 

    • We are able to confirm the ramifications of Julian Bathory’s and Cancer Jiles’ assault on Phil Atken. We would have put this earlier in News and Notes but Lindsay Troy wanted to make sure everybody read this post the whole way through since “some people are fucking impatient.”

Firstly, Cancer Jiles has been fined $97,097 for his part in the post-ReVival shenanigans. When asked about that oddly specific number, the Queen shot our reporter a glare and said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Julian Bathory has been fined $100,000 because, “like Dipshit Jiles said, he started it.” Bathory and Jiles are required to pay their fines by the time they arrive at the arena next Friday. They will also forfeit their match purses.

Secondly, the Universal Title will be on the line between the two men. On this matter, Troy said, “As pissed off as I am about this whole thing, those two earned the right to compete for the title at Great American Nightmare. There are contracts in place and a significant amount of time and money has been invested for the last month and a half in promoting this match. I’m not going to risk a lawsuit because those three wanted to try and kill each other before the supershow. But this isn’t going to be a ‘reward’ for either Julian or Jiles; they’re going to have to earn that belt the hard way.”

And by that, the Queen means, “the match is now a steel cage match. You win by pinfall, submission or knockout. Escaping the cage won’t help you, and there’ll be no having your buddies come down to interfere, or cheer you on, nothing.”

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